Figuring Out What You're Responsible For

It takes some real thought and experience to decide what you are responsible for in life. In fact, it is something that I guess is never really settled in life. We figure and refigure about this.

If my friend is in trouble, how much responsibility do I feel to take their side. What will I do practically to help, if I can. If a stranger is in need, how much responsibility do I feel and what will I do? Will I just think of their trouble and walk on, or will I perhaps, stop, and talk to them, and then decide whether to take any further action.

Or, say I have caused somewhat of a conflict. Should I just move on and let everybody deal with it however they choose to, or should I try to smooth things over?

I know someone who is really struggling. Should I just think kindly of them or actually contact them? When I pray for someone, when does my prayer become false because as the 'Housemartins' used to sing: "It's time to end the prayer. Listen what I'm saying. Get up off of those knees!"

Clearly, the answer varies from situation to situation. In some ways, I am responsible for everything - for all my fellow humans in this world. Or, at least I owe others something, whatever that may mean in this situation or that. But, I am also limited. How I define my limitations in relation to my fellow humans' needs determines my character.

To feel some burden or responsibility for others troubles, even when you haven't caused them, is to feel some of the Spirit of God in your soul. But, as Paul says, we "bear this heavenly treasure in earthen vessels." How to bear this holy love and burden in pots of clay, that is the question.

But, for this post, I want to conclude by saying that looking out at others' trouble and walling yourself off from it by saying: "it's not my problem," just seems against the Spirit of God in this world. In the next post, I want to get a little farther into this question about what it means to live with concern for others while coming to terms with your own personal limitations/needs.

Fat Tuesday/Ash Wednesday

What have I ever given up for Lent? Nothing. I don't give up things for Lent. Not that it wouldn't do me some good to give up this or that for Lent. But, I don't go in for that kind of thing.

In fact, I really don't do anything that I don't want to do. I realized that about myself a few years ago. The real key to life is figuring out those good things you like to do, and focus on them. There are always good things you are attracted to. Of course, there may be some destructive/bad things you are attracted to as well. The trick is loving what builds up life, and learning to despise what tears down life. Once you do that, it is just a matter of doing what you really love.

Rules and Principles

Seems I can't get off of this subject. I don't like rules, but am very committed to principles. But, what's the difference? A principle does not tell you exactly what to do in any particular situation, but gives you the type of understanding necessary to figure out what to do in a variety of situations.

A doctor who really understands the principles of medicine can take on about any patient and get some idea of how to go about diagnosing and treating that person. A doctor who doesn't really understand the principles of medicine must match up certain symptoms to certain disease descriptions, and if he or she can't match them up real easily, then the doctor is in trouble. Lawyers who don't understand the principles of legal thinking have the same problem. And, it's probably that way with difficult mechanical problems as well as other areas of life.

It seems to me that the religious people Jesus was criticizing were obsessed with rules: tithing mint,dill and cummin, but had lost touch with the deepest principles of faith: justice, mercy, and love. Of course, Jesus didn't say to throw out all the rules, but to understand that rules are meant to serve guiding principles, whereas the rule-obsessed twist principles around to serve and justify their rules.

Once Jesus criticized those who said they were "tithing," giving money at the temple, and thus had nothing left to support their own parents. Jesus described this as getting things backwards. Serving the commandment of humans (temple tax) and ignoring the commandment of God (honor father and mother). Or, another time, some religious rule-oriented people complained about Jesus laboring on the Sabbath and his disciples gathering food on the Sabbath. Turns out, the Sabbath Commandment is obeyed when you understand and honor the deep principle in it: God created the Sabbath rest to serve the well-being of human beings, not human beings to serve the Sabbath.

In the 60's there was a book written by Joseph Fletcher called: "Situation Ethics." Now, a lot of conservatives got all mad about that book, saying that it simply allowed a person to create their own moral rules in every new situation. Of course, if this is what situation ethics is, a way of allowing us to justify our action by coming up with a rule that allows us to do whatever we want to do, then I guess I can understand the complaint. But, a life lived with moral integrity is always a life that adapts its deep principles of living to new situations. So, I don't see escape from a certain type of situation ethics. The real key is the commitment of a person to deep principles of living that find a way to truth and justice and decency in all sorts of situations.

Rules and principles. If you read through Jesus' teachings in the New Testament, it doesn't look like he prescribed many rules, but he taught principles that could only be understood if lived. And, since he lived the principles he taught, it really gives us a feel for what he meant and what living in the way he lived could mean for us.

God's way in Christ does not first bind us to rules or a book, but binds us to a Person, a relationship, a holy mystery at the core of life. The Book points to that, and awakens a sense of that. In the end, faith is not first of all about following certain rules or even about following certain principles. It is first of all about following this way of Jesus, this way opened on earth by the love of God. We learn certain principles on this way and some rules as well. But, I think we have to start like the disciples started: by throwing down (or, at least suspending) our rules and principles and seeing if there aren't some other ways of living - holy and creative ways that come from God and not from us.

Paul is such a great example of the freedom that comes from that. Of course, he got "thrown down" on Damascus Road when confronted by the Risen Jesus, who said: "Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?!" I imagine that that question asked by Jesus hit deeper and harder than the temporary blindness Paul experienced. As Paul later said in a letter to the Philippians, "I learned to count all of my religious rules, principles, and attainments as shit compared to knowing Christ.:" (my paraphrase). Paul was given a new core of life, a new energy and vitality in his thinking and feeling and living. And, he comes up with an amazing 'Situation Ethics' around the deep principle of love as demonstrated in the life and death of Jesus.

How far is it from Maryville, Tennessee to Cape Town, South Africa?

It feels like such a long way on some days, and then at other times, it seems real near. My daughter, Lisa is in Capetown for her spring semester and a little beyond that. As I hear from Lisa about it, and read her blog posts, I sometimes feel like I am there, like my heart is as much there as right here. I am also reading Nelson Mandela's autobiography. What a life he has lived! It really makes me remember what a sacred and wonderful thing it is to be a human being.

As I think about South Africa, I begin thinking of patriotism and what it means. Why would I love my own country more than South Africa? Why would I yearn for freedom and justice in my own country more than I yearn for freedom and justice for South Africa?

I guess I know this country, or at least some of it, pretty well. My history is bound to this country of the United States. I really love our Constitution, and especially the deep distrust of authority that is at the very heart of our country's most authoritative law. But, as I have followed the history of South Africa in my reading, I feel a deep hope that God will bring about great mercy and peace and justice and freedom and joy to a people who were oppressed for so, so long. The history of non-white South Africans parallels the history of black Americans in many ways. And, as I have felt my heart moved by the experience of black Americans, I feel a similar yearning before God for a land far away, a land where my daughter is living right now.

It's not real easy to speak about what it feels like to be a white person but feel deeply bound to black people in the very depths of one's soul through one's second-hand experience of black history. I really don't like to go on about it. It's really hard to explain it to white people, not too hard to speak about to black people because you don't have to say much. Black people in our country just seem to get it. I guess when you've had people against you so much, it's not real hard to tell when somebody is not against you. And, that's all I've ever felt that black people asked for from white people. I don't know one black person who wants some special deal from white people. The black people I know rate white people pretty highly if they are half-way decent. Black people, in general, are real easy on white people. That's one thing white people in the U.S. don't get at all. I wonder how it is in South Africa where white people are a minority.

Punishment

One thing I have realized over the course of my life: I don't believe in punishment. Inflicting hurt on someone to teach them not to inflict hurt on others - well, I just don't believe in that.

I never believed in it. I am so thankful that my parents didn't believe in it either. Because if I had been punished, I think I might have turned out overly rebellious. My parents never really punished. A couple of times they just had to let us know who was in control, which we knew clearly about all the time, because my parents were the kind that you had confidence in and the kind that you didn't want to disappoint. But, neither Mom nor Dad liked punishment at all.

I have never respected anyone who really believed in punishment, because I think that anybody who is comfortable with punishment is basically sadistic.

As I survey the morality of our society and our criminal justice system, I see very clearly that the idea of what morality is all about is that it is "keeping the riff-raff under control, and keeping them down, and reminding them that they are shit." That's what punishment is about: teaching the punished that they are worthless.

One of my best memories

I am sitting here looking out the window towards Chilhowee Mountain. It is snowing. It is Saturday afternoon. And, I am remembering one of the best times I ever had in my life.

I was in high school at the time. I think I was a senior in high school. Mom and Dad and I were at “Pine Haven,” about 600 plus acres of land at the base and on up to the top of Chilhowee Mountain (a foothill of the Smoky Mountains). We had gone there that day to walk around in the woods and to climb and explore Chilhowee Mountain. And, we did.

It was a beautiful day. We just went where we decided to go – no set plans. And, we found one beautiful place after another. At one point, we just sort of stopped and settled into our own separate places. I climbed a tree and saw way out over to the Little Tennessee River; Dad was climbing up looking over the next ridge; Mom was sitting on the ground, and I could just hear her singing one of her favorite hymns.

I remember that day as if it was yesterday. We were in the presence of God, joyfully together in the presence of God. We, the three of us, slid down through the leaves, going pretty fast at times, down that mountain side. At one point, we slid right to the edge of a big drop-off. But, we were in the Spirit that day, and stopped just short of disaster. God's presence brings joy and freedom. I am grateful to have dwelled in that presence on that day.

Gangs, Fraternities, and the Stubborn Way of the Hillbilly

I have been thinking about how I was raised, and how I really approach situations in life. I am a Hillbilly, which means I am a child of the Appalachian Mountains, who is a stubborn individualist. Now, I was taught at times in school and certainly in seminary about how awful it is to be invidualistic, but I never really accepted that academic teaching. Sure, I understood that it was a real negative to be selfish and unable to identify with or care about those outside "the narrow confines of your day to day life," but I never really bought all the stuff about individuals being defined by a community. Sure, each of us is shaped deeply by our social environment, but there is something in the individual that the social environment can't determine. There is a central core in each person that reflects the mystery of God. So, I have always seen it from the other direction: a community is defined by its individuals and there is something irreducible and indestructible and well, indefinable about "the individual human being."

During college I came across writers like Kierkegaard and other existentialists who protested against all systems of thought which would ignore the category of the individual. And, then we have the Americans like Thoreau who experience the deep value of the individual. I was raised in the Appalachian/hillbilly tradition of thinking that "the herd" is usually always wrong, and if you go your own individual way you might be wrong, but you are more likely to be right than if you follow the crowd, and then at least you have a little dignity left if you don't allow others to determine who you are. As Bruce Cockburn sings: "Last time I heard, only God gets to say what has to be."

My Dad didn't teach me too many strict rules for living, but one thing he said over and over again was "if you have to be accepted by any group to feel like something, then you are in real trouble in life." Life just really wouldn't have been worth living for Dad if he had ever thought he had to wait around and look over his shoulder to see if somebody approved what he was doing. He would make his choices, live his life, try to help others in living, and that would be enough. In as sense that is the real goodness in the Appalachian way of life. YOU MAKE YOUR CHOICES, YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE, YOU TRY TO HELP OTHERS AS THEY LIVE THEIR LIVES, AND THAT IS ENOUGH. IF ANYONE ELSE HELPS YOU OUT, THAT IS A REAL GIFT, BUT NOT EXPECTED. AND, WHEN YOU REFLECT ON WHETHER YOU ARE LIVING YOUR LIFE THE RIGHT WAY OR NOT, YOU PULL AWAY FROM THE CROWD AND YOU COME BEFORE GOD THE BEST YOU CAN, AND YOU TRY TO LOOK AT YOUR LIFE HONESTLY. THERE MIGHT BE A TIME OR TWO IN LIFE WHEN YOU SHARE THIS REFLECTION WITH A TRUSTED FRIEND OR LOVED ONE, AND, WELL, THERE MIGHT NOT BE.

I guess when it comes down to it, I am a pretty trusting hillbilly, but I am still a hillbilly. My idea of a good place to live is a place where you can't see any other houses, streets, neighbors, or hear them.

Well, back to needing to be a part of a group to have a sense of identity.

I have never had respect for fraternities or gangs, or any group that purports to give someone an identity. There are times when religious groups, including churches, seem like fraternities to me. I know that people are out wandering around lost in this world just looking for someone to tell them who they are, just looking for some group to adopt them and tell them they are worth something. There is a real temptation in this world for the church to do this same thing. Individuals are needy in this great desire to feel like somebody. And, I think we in the church, including a preacher like me, are too quick to tell people who they are. I am too quick to say "you are a child of God" without also allowing a person to define who they are for me. Those words "you are a child of God" have little content, little meaning, unless they are spoken in a real conversation, a real relationship where that "child of God" is coming to express and understand his or her own self.

The only real community I have ever known anything about is a community that gives a lot of room for individual peculiarities, accepts a lot of nonsense from individuals, and somehow draws the best out of individuals which in turn allows for the best community possible. I guess you would call my view of community one that starts from the "grass roots," which is to say, starts from its individual pieces. It is significant that Paul's definition of the Christian community gave a lot of attention to individual differences and the importance of respecting those. You didn't have to conform to some preset role defined by the community, but the community had to figure out how to accomodate your God-given, perhaps even peculiar gifts and bear with your weaknesses as well, just as you were to do the same for others.

Our identity is from God, from our Creator. But, I'm not sure whether that can be said without telling real stories of human lives. I have been reading Nelson Mandela's autobiography, and it is so clear that though there were motivating forces for his identity as "an African" or his identity as "Xhosa," there was nothing so strong that saw him through as his identity as an individual human being who could not be defined ultimately either by tribe or color or even religious association. He refused to be bound by an arranged marriage. Though at first, he wanted to identify politically only with black Africans, he came to another view of that that suited both the needs of the day and his own desires as well. I'm still reading the book, but this is the way it seems to be going. There is something in that individual will of his that is simply "God-determined," or that is in direct communion with the Eternal.

To me, gangs and fraternities and so many group affiliations, if they are really taken to heart, are similar expressions at different levels of social need. To me they seem like a way to try and get an identity the false way, the way that takes no courage, no independence. And, this way of receiving an identity from a group is demeaning in the long run, and often even in the short run.

A young man or woman in a scary world needs to figure out how to be human without somebody giving him or her the answers already worked out. That's my problem with gangs and fraternities or sororities and even religious groups that over-define individuals. I'll leave the military out of this discussion. And, yes, I know the people who face the choice of joining gangs face choices much more critical and scary than I have faced. And, yes, I know that there are healtier and unhealthier levels of commitment to such groups, whether they be gangs or fraternities. But, still, a hillbilly would die in a gang - or die even a little in a fraternity for that matter. We can't have anybody but God telling us who we are, and all the little details of how we work that out, and so many of us hillbillies just can't hear that word without spending a lot of time alone in the mountains. If the word we hear alone is a little confused or twisted, at least we came by our confusion honestly and not by following the crowd. And, there is some dignity in that.

And, I'll close with some words of a song I remember from my high school days. This song by Charlie Daniels reminds me of that hillbilly spirit. I am not trying to Baptize this way of life as if it is always holy and good. It is not, but, then again, it can be too. When this stubborn Appalachian spirit is illuminated by God's Spirit, some wonderful things can happen. I've seen them in my life.

"Preacher man talkin on t.v., putting down the rock and roll. Wants me to send a donation, cause he's worried about my soul. He says 'Jesus walked on the water' - well, I know that is true, but sometimes I think that preacher man would like to do a little walkin too."

"I ain't asking nobody for nothing . . if I can't get it own my own. If you don't like the way I'm living, you just leave this long haired country boy alone."