A Sense of Calling in Life

Some people have a sense of "calling" to a particular work; others just find something that seems to make sense for them. Others just make a living any way that they can find, and leave talk of "callings" to those who have the luxury to choose.

I am a person who had a very overpowering sense of "calling" when I was almost 20 years old. And, the sense of purpose coming out of that helped me to organize my thoughts and feelings in response to that call.

Psychologically speaking, adolescence and young adulthood is a natural time to experience a sense of calling, because it is in those years that we are struggling to form our adult identity. Some young adults are able to maintain or establish a positive sense of self and then find a job and learn how to live as adults in this world. But, some young people, like me yearned for something more. Maybe part of it was that I had the luxury of choices, since I was not desperate to put food on the table.

I am deeply thankful for the experience of feeling clear that I was to work with people who were in trouble, and to go into dark places with them in the name of God. I responded by transferring colleges, majoring in religion, reading a lot of theology,philosophy and Bible, and trying to make sense of things theologically and spiritually. I responded by deciding to go to seminary. I felt called to find out the truth, proclaim the truth and live the truth. And, that truth from God that I felt deeply had to do with standing with people who were down or cast out by others. It is this calling that has gotten me through a lot of confusion in my life, has carried me through times of self-doubt and sorrow, and that continues with me like an old friend at this point.

Of course, sometimes we get tired of old friends, and long for some new friends.

Though I do get weary of dealling with trouble, I am deeply thankful for this sense of purpose in life. I am not the kind of person who would adapt too well to societal expectations of adult life if I didn't have some individual sense of purpose.

As I get older and as I get tired of dealing with responsibilities and people's problems, and as I think of how great it would be to have a long,long vacation (maybe retirement) from dealing with people in trouble, I have to look at my old friend, my calling, who stood with me and held me up when I didn't have the strength to go on, who told me I was worth something when I felt so down, and that made me realize that my deepest purpose in life is not to be happy but to serve God - the God whose heart goes out to the poor, the downcast, and the outcast.

It has been my experience that happiness comes as a second thought, as a by-product of purpose. "Seek you first the kingdom of God and God's righteousness and all these things will be added unto you as well." If you set out to be happy, happiness usually remains out of reach. If you set out to fulfill a purpose, then happiness may not always be at the forefront, but it sneaks up on you again and again when you least expect it.

Reflecting on a thought from Howard Thurman

Howard Thurman writes in "Creative Encounter" that God meets and begins to communicate with each person at the point of "what God means to that person." Thurman speaks of the "God-residue" in each person's life. By that he means the impression left in a person's memory, heart, experience of God. Thurman's concept is a very intriguing one, like so many of the ways Thurman has of making sense of life. This concept of the "God-residue" in a person's life is one that is not interested in judging the rightness or wrongness of someone's view of God. For Thurman, whether a person views God as a cosmic police chief or as a loving father that view of God is sacred ground and a beginning point in the encounter between God and a human being. Thurman is above all interested in the meeting between God and human beings.

As I read this early yesterday morning, it really got me thinking about my preaching, teaching, writing in the church. I seem to do a good bit of instructing about the "proper view of God," about what God is like and what God is not like. Now, some of that is certainly part of being a minister, but much of that probably runs roughshod over some sacred ground in people's lives. If God is humble enough to meet us at the point of our understanding of God, then shouldn't people of limited understanding like me be humble enough to seek out that same starting point with people as I attempt to communicate with them about God? In fact, maybe if I placed more emphasis on understanding another person's view of God, then I might begin discovering how God is being revealed to that other person, instead of trying to get the other person to adopt the view I have of God.

What Thurman is really getting at in his book is that the true knowledge of God arises out of a real meeting between the human and the Divine. And, this meeting has all the back and forth, peculiarities of a real relationship where communication must begin somewhere, where communication often fails, but where true communication comes as revelation. This is a long way from trying to get someone to accept the conception you have about God.

I will try one analogy and then get on with other things today. How about this - there are three children in a family, all girls. One girl has a very close and understanding relationship with her mother. The other two girls have difficulty getting along with their mother. One day the girl who is close to the mother, instead of criticizing the other two for treating the mother badly, simply asks: "How do you think of our mother? If you had to describe her to a stranger, how would you describe her? Who is our mother to you?" After hearing from her two sisters, and clarifying just what their experience has been, then the two girls might ask: "So, who then is our mother to you?"

It seems to me that conversations like this bring understanding and perhaps even revelation about human relationships and about the divine-human relationship as well. Maybe the place where divine-human communication begins is much like the place where communication begins between humans - a sacred ground that is discovered by one who is deeply given to listening to the other. The Quakers speak of God as the one who brings new life to human beings by the Divine Listening. There is something mysterious and holy about real listening, really attending to another. When you feel that you are really being attended to or really attending to another, it causes something to come alive within and something to come to expression that is beyond what we are capable of alone.

Disengagement and Reengagement in Living

If you withdraw from participation in a particular group or relationship or even a hobby, a strange thing happens. Sometimes quickly, sometimes gradually, but eventually what happens is that your connection to the particular group or person or even hobby begins to die or at least it feels that way. And, when we begin to experience a deathly feeling with regard to a group or relationship or endeavor, then we lose our desire to resume our ties with that group or relationship or endeavor.

Of course, we might stop and wonder whether the group or other person in the relationship has really lost interest in us or lost a connection to us. The group or other person might be fine with us, just waiting in a sense for us to reappear. With regard to a hobby like gardening or hiking or painting or playing music or following a sport's team, there is not really a person on the other side, but only an activity that we have previously given ourselves to and enjoyed. Strangely, the dynamics of disengaging from a hobby is very similar to disengaging from a relationship with a person or group of persons. Once we withdraw from it for a time, we don't feel any energy or life coming from that interest anymore, and cease to be drawn to it. It is as if that part of ourselves that was interested and inspired by a particular pursuit has disappeared, just as in a relationship it feels like the person we are disengaged from has disappeared.

I am starting to think that our feelings of distance from others or certain activities is a necessary process of change which is really a way of leaving parts of ourselves behind that we are tired of. Often it is not the other person that we need to leave behind but simply the way we have become accustomed to being with that other person. It is the "how I am with this person" that I am tired of. With a relationship to a group of people, it can be the same. For example, I might become disengaged from my work at the Public Defender's Office because I am tired of how I am relating to my clients or my co-workers or adversary counsel or judges. Or, I might become disengaged from my work at church because I am tired of how I have become accustomed to relating to my parishioners.

Disengagement is necessary in all relationships at times, but then so is the insight that the most important thing you are disengaging from is a way of being your self that no longer seems to be working. If you can realize this, then you can then find out upon reengagement whether there is enough room for you to develop new patterns in a relationship or pursuit that create and sustain meaning in life.

I am learning upon disengaging with this group and that, and this hobby or that, that an emptiness comes from disengagement. There is a sense that you get something back when you are putting something in, and this giving and getting is mutually sustaining. When you cease contributing to others, to groups, to an activity, it can all become very still and even lifeless. But, when you keep on contributing in a way that depletes your self, then that causes growing frustration and only keeps up a false sense of purpose and meaning.

We are in a position as humans of needing to create meaning on a regular basis. The relationships we have, the work we do, the recreation we enjoy all play their role in creating and sustaining meaning in our lives. When the patterns that have created and sustained meaning have broken down or atrophied or disappeared for various reasons, we are faced with the challenge of giving ourselves to new relationships, or new groups, or new interests to create new patterns of living that provide us with meaning and energy for living.

Predestination, Providence and Tolkein

On one hand, I am very religious, and always have been. But, as I listen to religious people of our time describe their outlook on life, their view of God and other people, I feel very distant from the normal Christian views of this society. I am talking about Christianity, because I don't hear enough about how other religions represent faith.

But, Christianity in the U.S. is something I was raised in and something I hear about all the time, whether I want to or not. And, the majority of what I hear is so foreign to what I experience and what I believe. And, the main thing I don't believe has to do with the common belief that God plans all things out ahead of time and that everything that happens is what God wills to happen, and that all things are part of a good plan that was worked out long, long ago.

I don't believe this and don't experience this in my faith. I believe in God who is in a real relationship, a living, dynamic relationship with this creation. I believe in God's complete goodness and how that is violated again and again in this world. And, yes, I believe that a lot of things happen that should never have happened, and can in no sense be called "part of God's good plan." And, I believe that God's goodness is the most powerful force in all the world and that this goodness will eventually overcome. But, God's goodness is hidden in the present time and God's power is hidden in the present.

My reality is a lot more like Tolkien's Middle Earth, than the reality envisioned by so many Christians. This thing we are going through on earth is a real struggle. God is the greatest character in this struggle, but the struggle is real. It is not as if you can step aside from life and say: "well, it doesn't really matter, because God's will will be done anyway." No, somehow God has allowed his will to get all mixed up with the screwed up human will on earth. And, somehow God means to work through this all so that human beings can learn to will the good, the good that God has always willed, but which has not always come to pass.

Creating out of Nothing

The ancient doctrine of the Church is that God created all that there is out of nothing. In Genesis 1:2 it says: "And the earth was without form and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters."

It is hard to describe nothingness without giving it some characteristics that make it seem like something.

But, this creation out of the void, or out of the chaos of "nothingness" is not just an abstract teaching of Judaism and Christianity and Islam. This teaching about creating out of chaos is deeply rooted in the experience of living as a human being in this world.

If we share any likeness with God, as scripture says we do, surely we share this: to have our little spirits move upon the face of the deep, to face the empty void and to will order out of chaos, meaning out of despair, and something out of nothing. God is, of course, the Great Spirit who broods over the chaos of the world. But, each of us, broods over our little world, seeking to create against the forces that would bind us and have us simply give in to the void.

Now, I admit that I am taking a very traditional teaching and giving it a certain existential meaning. And, I guess that if you forget that our existential struggle takes place within the context of God's creative movement, then you could end up with the kind of despairing struggle of many early 20th century existentialists, who felt that they were carrying on their struggle to create out of nothing in a universe that was silent to their deepest hopes and needs.

But, these existentialists like Sartre and Camus, and earlier philosophers like Kierkegaard, really did hit upon something at the very core of being human. This struggle for meaning in a world that denies meaning or at least shakes traditional ways of finding meaning, is certainly at the heart of the modern (and, post-modern)thinking and feeling of so many of us.

The remarkable thing about human beings is their ability to begin again, to start over, to look into the nothingness and will somethingness, to stand in the darkness and summon the courage to say "let there be light," because in the beginning, the universe was spoken into being by the Courage of the Great Spirit who looked directly into the emptiness of chaos and nothingness and said: "Let there be light."

For those who face the void often in their experience of life, more courage is required. But, that courage flows into our souls from the Creator whose light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

Thinking about Egypt

Egypt has been such an important country/civilization in the history of the world. The world knows of the Pharoahs, the pyramids, the wonders of an ancient civilization. I heard reports about the city of Alexandria, Egypt in turmoil from demonstrations against the government. Alexandria is such a well-known name to anyone who has studied church or world history, as Alexandria was the intellectual center of the early church (Carthage and Antioch have some bragging rights as well). But, Origen (born in the second century, a.d.) and Athanasius were both from Alexandria. Origen who is probably the greatest Biblical Scholar of all time laid the foundations for theologians and biblical scholars who followed him.

Egypt was the land in which God was revealed as the God of Israel was manifest as a God of history who took action for the oppressed Hebrews in history. Of course, God confronted the power of Pharoah, to expose that Pharoah was afterall only a human being, no matter how much he was worshipped and now matter how divine he seemed to be.

Egypt, the land of learning, the land of bondage, and later the land which became home to Christianity and some of its greatest leaders.

I pray for Egypt and all that it is going through in the hopes that the "revolution" that seems to be going on will lead to a new day of real freedom and dignity and justice for a nation that has been at the center of human civilization for a long, long time. In the early days of the Church, Egypt had a great influence and close connection to other African peoples to its south who lived along the great Nile River. If Egypt moves in a good direction, maybe its influence will bind it to its fellow Africans of the Nile Valley as closely as in the past.

The Republican Agenda on Health Care and Immigration

It seems to me that the Republican Party's callous attitude towards Immigration and Health Care Reform is clearly opposite the way of fairness and mercy, and that makes it so much easier for me to know where to stand on political affairs. I am confident and clear in my soul in saying I stand against the Republican Party on the matter of how to deal with Immigration, because their stand does not show compassion towards the stranger and outcast in our land. With regard to Health Care Reform, if you have much experience at all in this society, you know many people who have suffered deeply from not having health care insurance or affordable health care insurance. To think we can simply go on and ignore that, seems very, very callous.

We have enough of a conscience in our country to require treatment of uninsured persons in emergency situations, but we aren't honest enough to admit that so many of those who appear with emergencies are the uninsured who could not afford to get regular check-ups or get medical care for a problem before it became life-threatening. Truth is, in many cases, the lack of care is devastating. A woman had symptoms of a serious gastro-intestinal problem, but was still in a probationary period at work, so that she had no medical insurance. By the time she got her medical insurance through work and went to get checked, her cancer was so far advanced that all the doctors could try to do was try some last ditch efforts at chemotherapy and control her pain for the last six months of her life. Now, this woman would almost certainly have died from this cancer, but with early detection/treatment, she might very well have lived two or three or four or more years like another man that I know who had the same type of cancer which was treated aggressively when discovered when symptoms first arose. He had health care insurance. Of course, we can't know exactly how it would have gone for the woman mentioned above, but don't we want her to have as good a chance as the man mentioned? And, aren't an extra two, three, four years of life something of inestimable value?

I commend Barack Obama for having the fortitude to shake up the status quo in this area of health care reform. I have not been terribly impressed with his efforts in Immigration Reform (the last president had a good plan for this, but couldn't sell it to his own party). But, back to Health Care Reform. And, all this complaining about it happening in "back-room" deals! We have so little understanding of how laws are actually made in this country and how politics works at every level (or maybe we just like to pretend). It has been hurtful to the Obama administration to have been as "transparent" as it has been. This country will never accept the way laws are made if it has to see the truth. The public would be shocked if it knew how criminal cases are negotiated and resolved as well. Of course, people make deals. As long as they are not illegal deals, it is both acceptable and necessary in politics and law practice.

Though I certainly am not qualified to address the issues on health care, I certainly am concerned when over 30 million of my fellow citizens in this country have no health care insurance. And, I want to support those who don't want to tolerate this intolerable situation any longer.

The attitudes of citizens around this country on immigration vary greatly. Many of those who are fairly quiet people believe in showing the utmost compassion and decency towards illegal aliens who are here working hard and trying to live among us in peace. But, those who are loud don't agree. The loud people most always get their positions on the news, but loud people are usually wrong in life. They just dont' take enough time to listen and observe what is going on. They are too busy talking and wanting others to observe them.

Political parties are generally dominated by "loud people." Maybe there are some quieter Republicans who are saying some better things. If they are, they certainly need better press agents.