Psalm 73: “Wrestling with Envy”
The Psalm writer remembers a time when he was worn out with the unfairness of life. He remembers a time when his mind was riddled with doubt. He says: “Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart, but as for me, my feet had nearly slipped, I had almost tripped and fallen . . .”
But, what had happened to cause this holy man to fall into a place of doubt and trouble? What happens in our lives to make us fall into a place of spiritual struggle?
For this man who surely spoke for many men and women of Israel, it was a painful struggle with envy and a painful struggle with the unfairness of life.
He says TROUBLE CAME TO MY SOUL BECAUSE I ENVIED THE PROUD AND SAW THE PROSPERITY OF THE WICKED.
Have you ever looked around and noticed that there are a good number of people that seem to get many of the good things of life even though they continue to do a lot of bad things towards other people? There was a book written about 20 years ago entitled: “Why bad things happen to good people.” This Psalm is concerned about that, but the title of these complaints would be: “Why Do Such Good Things Happen to Such Bad People?” That’s what really filled the Psalmist soul in his time of trouble. “Why Do The Best Things Seem to Happen to Some of the Worst People?”
And, then he takes us back into that time of trouble. His mind goes back to that time of bitterness and he begins speaking like he did back in that past time of trouble. Here is what he was talking like back then:
“These proud and wicked people suffer no pain, and their bodies are sleek and sound; they don’t have to share in the misfortunes that the rest of us bear in life. They wear their pride and arrogance like a necklace for all to see. They wrap their violence around them like a cloak. Their sins arise from corrupt minds, and their hearts overflow with wicked thoughts. They make fun of others and enjoy hurting others with the way they talk. They are conceited and they make plans to exclude and deprive others of their rights.”
This holy man gets all worked up again recalling this state of mind and soul when he was so overwhelmed with complaining and so sick of the evil people getting the good things in life while the righteous were struggling to just get by.
Truth was, he was complaining to God, and angry in his soul. The Psalms contain many complaints showing that true prayer often contains complaints as part of the song of faith. Of course, as the Psalm writer shows us, if the complaining spirit continues to turn to the Holy God, something more happens in the heart and in the soul. Something more than just complaining.
And, though we are going to be involved in complaining in our hearts and minds and conversations and even prayers at times, we get tired when we get to the point of having a COMPLAINING SPIRIT. Because once that complaining spirit takes over within us, it alienates others from us. Now, we know everybody has got to complain some in life. And, if someone never complains, we may think they are putting on an act in life. But, we do get tired of being around someone who complains all the time about things being unfair to that person. And, we start complaining about our friend complaining so much, who may in turn be complaining about someone else who complains so much. But, surely we all do have some serious complaints in our hearts and minds, whether we speak them or not.
Because we can’t help but wonder at times in life why one person is given so many advantages and another person is not; why it is such a struggle for one child to get a decent education while an education just seems to come as a matter of course for other children. We may wonder why some seem to find a good man or good woman so easily while that is something we can’t ever seem to find. We may wonder why some of our good desires in life don’t ever seem to get fulfilled. We may wonder why someone we love and care about so much just has such a struggle to get by in life while others just breeze by as if living was the easiest thing in the world to do.
And, when those complaints reach a point of deep bitterness, it gets hard for us to do anything positive in life. When we fall to the point of having a COMPLAINING SPIRIT, it gets for us like it was for the Psalmist. He says: “I had reached a breaking point. I turned to God and said: ‘In vain have I kept my heart clean, and washed my hands in innocence. I have been troubled all day long and beat down each morning as if I had done evil.”
I remember conversations over the years with parents who had children, small children, who were suffering from debilitating, irreversable diseases. I remember these parents talking about their struggle to keep their will to live and work and stay strong for their child and families in the face of such a tragic reality.
I think of these parents as I think on this Psalm. Who knows, our Psalm writer might have had a child like that. And, I think of all of us who deal with our own disappointment and worries and struggles in life and are tempted to just give up and give up caring as much because life seems unfair. And, then I remember what happened to the Psalmist one day. He says: “Had I gone on in this complaining spirit, I should have betrayed the generation of your children.” He knew he had to pass on more than a complaining/bitter spirit to his children. He says: “When I tried to understand it all – why things like this continue to happen – it was too much for me to understand
UNTIL . . .
UNTIL I ENTERED INTO THE SANCTUARY OF GOD AND DISCERNED THE END OF THE WICKED and EXPERIENCED THE PRESENCE OF GOD.”
He says: “When my mind became embittered, I was sorely wounded in my heart . . . (I was hurt by the disappointment and worry and sorrow of life) . . . it was as if my mind and heart were numb . . ..”
But, when he went into the sanctuary, something happened to his mind and heart. He experienced the reality of God, the presence of God. It is a mystery what happened when he went into worship.
But, he came out saying TO GOD: “Yet, however low I had sunk in my heart, I am always with you; you hold my right hand. You will guide me by your counsel, and afterwards receive me with glory. My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
What happened? How was this holy man who had about lost his way transformed from having a complaining, bitter spirit to having a greatful, trusting spirit?
When he was alone, he surely had the chance to pray and read the scripture. Why was it so important to him to go to the sanctuary of God? Certainly, he could have had a transforming experience of God when he was alone or with one or two others. But, for this man, his transformation came in worshipping God with others in the sanctuary.
And, I can only begin to guess what happened. I am thinking today that it has something to do with looking around and seeing and feeling other human beings coming before God and really praising God. Maybe the real antidote to a bitter and envious spirit is to experience the truth that there are a good number of human beings who do want something better for this world, who are sorry for hurting others when they do, and who really yearn for God’s justice on earth. To hear other human voices raised in praise OR to see other human heads bowed in confession is sometimes to experience the presence of God in human flesh. It is a mystery of grace in human community.
Or, it may have been something he observed as he walked into the sanctuary one day. He may have walked in and seen the devotion and commitment of those who kept things going in the temple. . . like I did last week. I came into the sanctuary on Friday evening – day 5 of Vacation Bible School – and I was tired from the work day in court. And, I was frustrated by it, and angry about some of it, in a complaining spirit. And, I look over and noticed two women from our church, both of them in their 80’s who were cheerfully working their fifth evening in a row of Vacation Bible School, caring enough about passing on something to the children to do what it takes. And, that hopeful determination and belief in the next generation lifted my spirit, encouraged me.
It is my guess that something like that happened to the Psalmist that day he went to worship. Maybe some other human being looked him in the eyes and showed him love. He may have experienced reconciliation with someone he was estranged from. He heard some other people singing God’s praises with a pure heart; repenting of sin with a broken spirit; and felt embraced by something greater than them. Yes, we can experience the presence of God powerfully when we are alone, but for those of us who have well nigh slipped and fallen as we so often do, there is something powerful and mysterious about coming together to worship with other human beings – human beings who are struggling just as we are but who continue to find a way to praise the living God. And, then we can say together: “MY HEART AND MY FLESH MAY FAIL, BUT GOD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART AND MY PORTION FOREVER.“ It is my hope that whatever struggles you have, that you are able to find these words in the depths of your heart – MY HEART AND MY FLESH MAY FAIL, BUT GOD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART AND MY PORTION FOREVER. IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER AND THE SON AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. AMEN.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Sermon Notes: "Thinking About Worry"
Exodus 32:1-6, 15-20; Psalm 94:19
“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul.”
Howard Thurman was a black Baptist minister and theologian who used to write meditations to be read and used by the members of his church, the Church for the Fellowship of All Peoples which began in 1944 in SanFrancisco and continues to this day. At the beginning of one meditation on the subject of worry he quotes a little rhyme called the “Worry Cow.” It goes like this:
The worry cow
Would have lasted till now,
If she hadn’t lost her breath.
But she thought her hay
Wouldn’t last all day,
So she mooed herself to death.
Thurman goes on to say of worry:
Most often . . . worry is a lack of confidence in life, in its purpose, in God. Faith in life, in God, is native to the human spirit. It cannot die as long as a man lives. It turns into pessimism, into depression, into anxiety, into worry, into drawn-out fear, but it will not perish. . . when we worry, the most obvious things to do in our situation are overlooked, we should relax our tension by trusting in God and putting at the disposal of that trust a clear head.
I want to focus on two particular points Thurman makes as a way of understanding our scriptures today. One point is this: 1) when we worry we overlook the most obvious things to do in our situation of concern; 2) if we can relax our tension, our natural faith in life, in God arises and we can offer to God a clear heart and mind.
Our second scripture today says: “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul.” The Psalmist had found his way from anxiety to trust in God. But, many times in human life, we get lost in our anxiety, we get lost along the way.
Our first scripture today was about such a time of lostness among the Hebrew people. As I was thinking this week about the Ten Commandments, I was remembering the rest of story of the Exodus that I don’t tell each week. I tell of God’s deliverance of the Hebrews from slavery. I tell of the giving of the Holy Law to Moses on Mt. Sinai, but I don’t tell of how those first two tables of stone were shattered into pieces before Moses even told the Hebrew people what was written on them.
And, the reason I am referring to this incident is because while the Hebrew people waited for Moses to come down from the cloud of darkness on the mountain, they got anxious – they got real worried. They were in the wilderness, and for all they knew Moses was dead and they had no one to lead them. They were overwhelmed with anxiety; they were desperate to have something to rely on to calm their nerves (they didn’t have xanax back then or valium). And, they hadn’t had time to grow grapes and allow them to ferment. There they were at the foot of the smoking mountain, scared to death and needing some assurance of religion, needing the assurance of some god. So, they went back to the religion they had known before. They asked Aaron to make them gods to worship –that would go with them and save them. And, so he made an idol.
And, they were having a real religious celebration and worshipping these false gods and relieving their tension when Moses finally came down from the mountain with two tables of stone in his hands. You heard the rest of the story. Moses got so mad, he broke the tables of stone, grabbed the false gods, the golden calf, ground it into dust and put it in the water and made the people drink it!
Their anxiety led them into idolatry. Idolatry is to submit yourself to some force or being or substance that should have no such power over you. The high or relief feels good for a time, but then it passes leaving you lower than before. That is the emotional side of idolatrous living. In the end, it is demeaning, because human beings are made in the image of God and are not to bow down to anything in all the earth but the living God.
We don’t make idols of golden calves any more, but we still bow down to people and forces and things that don’t deserve such homage. A more clear way of stating the first commandment for us might be: your girlfriend can’t save you so quit spending all your time serving her and serve the living God; your drinking can’t save you from worry so quit spending all your extra money and time serving the bottle and serve the living God; your boyfriend can’t save you; and, if you don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife and you want one, remember, they can’t save you either; your looks can’t save you – so quit wasting all that time and effort on that; quit bowing down to these idols and trust in the living God for salvation in this life and the next.
Their anxiety led them into idolatry. But, the people could have alleviated their anxiety in some other way, but turning to the wrong solution for anxiety and worry is such a common, human mistake. It may be at the root of most of our problems in life.
I return to Howard Thurman’s two points about worry: 1) when we worry, we tend to overlook the very things that we need to do to address a problem; 2) when we can relax the tension, faith in life and God arises, clearing our mind and giving God room to work with us and through us. We are not created for idolatry but to worship the living God – that is what is natural to us. If that is what is natural to us, then why does our anxiety so often lead us to idolatry instead of reliance on God? How do we relax the tension and rediscover the goodness within? This is not simply a question about how to relieve a psychological problem but a crucial question about how to keep a psychological state from turning into a devastating problem, idolatry, that twists body and soul.
The Hebrews who were waiting for Moses in anxiety could have surely done a few practical things to help themselves, like set up camp, prepare a fire, seek out some food from the land. And, they could have worshipped the One who brought them across the Red Sea, instead of looking to a lifeless golden calf made by Aaron for their help. But, when we turn ourselves over to something or someone who has no business ruling over us, we become so much less than we are meant to be. Or, as I heard someone say once: “When you bow down to stupid, you become stupid.”
The Psalm writer shows us a better way: “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul.” Somehow this holy man had found a way into God’s presence in the midst of his worry. He had been able to experience God in the depths of his soul and feel a calm repose of heart and mind. When we turn ourselves over to God, we become so much more than we ever dreamed we could be.
So, why is it that the Hebrews at the foot of Mt. Sinai found their way from anxiety to idolatry, whereas the Psalmist found his way from anxiety to worshipping and trusting in God?
Why is it that one woman who is anxious finds her way to praise God or rest in God while another woman finds her way to some hydros or a bottle of vodka or crack to relieve her anxiety? Or, why does she find her way to God one day and fall into the hands of false gods on other days?
And, for many of us, we have known two very different ways of relieving anxiety: through over consumption or even addictive behavior on one hand; but also we have known healthy ways like moderate exercise, fellowship, prayerful solitude to relieve our anxious thoughts, communal worship, or perhaps we have had some good counseling or proper medication as well. God’s help comes in a number of different way.
Thurman says: When we worry, we ignore the very things we need to do to address the concern.” And, he adds: “If we can offer to God a clear mind and heart, God can really do something with us and through us.”
But, how do we get to that place of having a clear mind and heart? How do we get there, so that we can see clearly what needs doing and have the resolution to do it? It is all good and well to say to someone: “trust in the Lord,” but trust in the Lord is an experience you have to find your way to, not some ritual you can enact or state of mind you can always will.
I think we can start right now with seeking God’s Holy Presence in this time of worship and trying to let our anxious thoughts come to rest before God.. Stop trying so hard to think your way out of your worry. Just let your thoughts run until they run themselves out before God. Some scriptures might help us with that right now. “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul.” “Be still and know that the Lord is God.” “O, Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high. I do not occupy myself with things too great or too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul. Like a child at its mother’s breast, like a child that is quieted, is my soul.” We will find our way to trust and peace with God when we learn that we enter into the place of holiness – not by coming to a place of knowing, but by coming to a place of not knowing, not by getting ourselves all full of ideas and inspiration, but by emptying ourselves of all thoughts and presumption. I have calmed and quieted my soul . . .
This is the inner path to peace.
But, there is also an outward path of human fellowship that leads to peace. Sometimes our need for shelter or friendship or medical care or food are just so pressing that it does little good for someone to tell us: “Trust in the Lord,” when we are in desperate need of these necessities of life. Maybe those of us with these necessities ought to be turning those words back on ourselves:”trust in the Lord,” and sharing what we have with others, trusting that God will take care of us. Then, a feeling of belonging and the ability to relax in the human community will come to those of us in need – whether those desperate needs be shelter or friendship or medical care. The inner path to peace; the outer path to peace – they are the same path of faith and trust in the living God who cares for body and soul, who calls us to care for self and other. They go together. We will always need to take the inner path, but we must not forget the importance of the outward path to peace, because we are created both for solitude and for community. We come to true peace when we know how to walk both paths with God and each other.
And, when we take ourselves too seriously, we can turn to the little rhyme and maybe laugh at our worrying selves a little:
The worry cow
Would have lasted till now,
If she hadn’t lost her breath.
But she thought her hay
Wouldn’t last all day,
So she mooed herself to death.
What good does our worry do us?
In their anxiety, in their worry, the Hebrews worshipped a golden calf. Now, I doubt if any of us – even in our greatest anxieties -are likely to worship any golden calves. But, we may have been serving the worry cow lately instead of the living God, bowing down days without number to the way of the worry cow instead of the life-giving ways of our Creator God. . . wearing ourselves out with worry which Jesus said wouldn’t add a day to our life, and as we are finding out might end up taking days away from our life.
Our anxiety does not have to lead us into idolatry. Anxiety or worry is something that comes with living, and we can share it with each other and that helps it subside, and we can share it with God who will in turn share his peace with us.
God has revealed to us the way to peace: it lies in that native faith in God and life in the depths of our souls and that native trust in each other that waits to be discovered and celebrated.
As the prophet Isaiah was inspired to say: “In quietness and trust is your strength; in rest and returning you shall be saved.” God calls you to take the inner path of solitude, and the outward path of human community. Let those of you with ears to hear listen to the what the Spirit is saying in your own life.
May God have mercy on you and me and help us to hear this message in our minds, but also in the depths of our hearts where we need God’s help so badly.
Amen.
“When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul.”
Howard Thurman was a black Baptist minister and theologian who used to write meditations to be read and used by the members of his church, the Church for the Fellowship of All Peoples which began in 1944 in SanFrancisco and continues to this day. At the beginning of one meditation on the subject of worry he quotes a little rhyme called the “Worry Cow.” It goes like this:
The worry cow
Would have lasted till now,
If she hadn’t lost her breath.
But she thought her hay
Wouldn’t last all day,
So she mooed herself to death.
Thurman goes on to say of worry:
Most often . . . worry is a lack of confidence in life, in its purpose, in God. Faith in life, in God, is native to the human spirit. It cannot die as long as a man lives. It turns into pessimism, into depression, into anxiety, into worry, into drawn-out fear, but it will not perish. . . when we worry, the most obvious things to do in our situation are overlooked, we should relax our tension by trusting in God and putting at the disposal of that trust a clear head.
I want to focus on two particular points Thurman makes as a way of understanding our scriptures today. One point is this: 1) when we worry we overlook the most obvious things to do in our situation of concern; 2) if we can relax our tension, our natural faith in life, in God arises and we can offer to God a clear heart and mind.
Our second scripture today says: “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul.” The Psalmist had found his way from anxiety to trust in God. But, many times in human life, we get lost in our anxiety, we get lost along the way.
Our first scripture today was about such a time of lostness among the Hebrew people. As I was thinking this week about the Ten Commandments, I was remembering the rest of story of the Exodus that I don’t tell each week. I tell of God’s deliverance of the Hebrews from slavery. I tell of the giving of the Holy Law to Moses on Mt. Sinai, but I don’t tell of how those first two tables of stone were shattered into pieces before Moses even told the Hebrew people what was written on them.
And, the reason I am referring to this incident is because while the Hebrew people waited for Moses to come down from the cloud of darkness on the mountain, they got anxious – they got real worried. They were in the wilderness, and for all they knew Moses was dead and they had no one to lead them. They were overwhelmed with anxiety; they were desperate to have something to rely on to calm their nerves (they didn’t have xanax back then or valium). And, they hadn’t had time to grow grapes and allow them to ferment. There they were at the foot of the smoking mountain, scared to death and needing some assurance of religion, needing the assurance of some god. So, they went back to the religion they had known before. They asked Aaron to make them gods to worship –that would go with them and save them. And, so he made an idol.
And, they were having a real religious celebration and worshipping these false gods and relieving their tension when Moses finally came down from the mountain with two tables of stone in his hands. You heard the rest of the story. Moses got so mad, he broke the tables of stone, grabbed the false gods, the golden calf, ground it into dust and put it in the water and made the people drink it!
Their anxiety led them into idolatry. Idolatry is to submit yourself to some force or being or substance that should have no such power over you. The high or relief feels good for a time, but then it passes leaving you lower than before. That is the emotional side of idolatrous living. In the end, it is demeaning, because human beings are made in the image of God and are not to bow down to anything in all the earth but the living God.
We don’t make idols of golden calves any more, but we still bow down to people and forces and things that don’t deserve such homage. A more clear way of stating the first commandment for us might be: your girlfriend can’t save you so quit spending all your time serving her and serve the living God; your drinking can’t save you from worry so quit spending all your extra money and time serving the bottle and serve the living God; your boyfriend can’t save you; and, if you don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife and you want one, remember, they can’t save you either; your looks can’t save you – so quit wasting all that time and effort on that; quit bowing down to these idols and trust in the living God for salvation in this life and the next.
Their anxiety led them into idolatry. But, the people could have alleviated their anxiety in some other way, but turning to the wrong solution for anxiety and worry is such a common, human mistake. It may be at the root of most of our problems in life.
I return to Howard Thurman’s two points about worry: 1) when we worry, we tend to overlook the very things that we need to do to address a problem; 2) when we can relax the tension, faith in life and God arises, clearing our mind and giving God room to work with us and through us. We are not created for idolatry but to worship the living God – that is what is natural to us. If that is what is natural to us, then why does our anxiety so often lead us to idolatry instead of reliance on God? How do we relax the tension and rediscover the goodness within? This is not simply a question about how to relieve a psychological problem but a crucial question about how to keep a psychological state from turning into a devastating problem, idolatry, that twists body and soul.
The Hebrews who were waiting for Moses in anxiety could have surely done a few practical things to help themselves, like set up camp, prepare a fire, seek out some food from the land. And, they could have worshipped the One who brought them across the Red Sea, instead of looking to a lifeless golden calf made by Aaron for their help. But, when we turn ourselves over to something or someone who has no business ruling over us, we become so much less than we are meant to be. Or, as I heard someone say once: “When you bow down to stupid, you become stupid.”
The Psalm writer shows us a better way: “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul.” Somehow this holy man had found a way into God’s presence in the midst of his worry. He had been able to experience God in the depths of his soul and feel a calm repose of heart and mind. When we turn ourselves over to God, we become so much more than we ever dreamed we could be.
So, why is it that the Hebrews at the foot of Mt. Sinai found their way from anxiety to idolatry, whereas the Psalmist found his way from anxiety to worshipping and trusting in God?
Why is it that one woman who is anxious finds her way to praise God or rest in God while another woman finds her way to some hydros or a bottle of vodka or crack to relieve her anxiety? Or, why does she find her way to God one day and fall into the hands of false gods on other days?
And, for many of us, we have known two very different ways of relieving anxiety: through over consumption or even addictive behavior on one hand; but also we have known healthy ways like moderate exercise, fellowship, prayerful solitude to relieve our anxious thoughts, communal worship, or perhaps we have had some good counseling or proper medication as well. God’s help comes in a number of different way.
Thurman says: When we worry, we ignore the very things we need to do to address the concern.” And, he adds: “If we can offer to God a clear mind and heart, God can really do something with us and through us.”
But, how do we get to that place of having a clear mind and heart? How do we get there, so that we can see clearly what needs doing and have the resolution to do it? It is all good and well to say to someone: “trust in the Lord,” but trust in the Lord is an experience you have to find your way to, not some ritual you can enact or state of mind you can always will.
I think we can start right now with seeking God’s Holy Presence in this time of worship and trying to let our anxious thoughts come to rest before God.. Stop trying so hard to think your way out of your worry. Just let your thoughts run until they run themselves out before God. Some scriptures might help us with that right now. “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, thy consolations delight my soul.” “Be still and know that the Lord is God.” “O, Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high. I do not occupy myself with things too great or too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul. Like a child at its mother’s breast, like a child that is quieted, is my soul.” We will find our way to trust and peace with God when we learn that we enter into the place of holiness – not by coming to a place of knowing, but by coming to a place of not knowing, not by getting ourselves all full of ideas and inspiration, but by emptying ourselves of all thoughts and presumption. I have calmed and quieted my soul . . .
This is the inner path to peace.
But, there is also an outward path of human fellowship that leads to peace. Sometimes our need for shelter or friendship or medical care or food are just so pressing that it does little good for someone to tell us: “Trust in the Lord,” when we are in desperate need of these necessities of life. Maybe those of us with these necessities ought to be turning those words back on ourselves:”trust in the Lord,” and sharing what we have with others, trusting that God will take care of us. Then, a feeling of belonging and the ability to relax in the human community will come to those of us in need – whether those desperate needs be shelter or friendship or medical care. The inner path to peace; the outer path to peace – they are the same path of faith and trust in the living God who cares for body and soul, who calls us to care for self and other. They go together. We will always need to take the inner path, but we must not forget the importance of the outward path to peace, because we are created both for solitude and for community. We come to true peace when we know how to walk both paths with God and each other.
And, when we take ourselves too seriously, we can turn to the little rhyme and maybe laugh at our worrying selves a little:
The worry cow
Would have lasted till now,
If she hadn’t lost her breath.
But she thought her hay
Wouldn’t last all day,
So she mooed herself to death.
What good does our worry do us?
In their anxiety, in their worry, the Hebrews worshipped a golden calf. Now, I doubt if any of us – even in our greatest anxieties -are likely to worship any golden calves. But, we may have been serving the worry cow lately instead of the living God, bowing down days without number to the way of the worry cow instead of the life-giving ways of our Creator God. . . wearing ourselves out with worry which Jesus said wouldn’t add a day to our life, and as we are finding out might end up taking days away from our life.
Our anxiety does not have to lead us into idolatry. Anxiety or worry is something that comes with living, and we can share it with each other and that helps it subside, and we can share it with God who will in turn share his peace with us.
God has revealed to us the way to peace: it lies in that native faith in God and life in the depths of our souls and that native trust in each other that waits to be discovered and celebrated.
As the prophet Isaiah was inspired to say: “In quietness and trust is your strength; in rest and returning you shall be saved.” God calls you to take the inner path of solitude, and the outward path of human community. Let those of you with ears to hear listen to the what the Spirit is saying in your own life.
May God have mercy on you and me and help us to hear this message in our minds, but also in the depths of our hearts where we need God’s help so badly.
Amen.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Anger
I remember our pastoral care professor in seminary saying: "Anger is a rational response to injustice."
Anger is meant to motivate us towards positive action, but when we don't get the hint, then anger takes on a destructive force within us. Anger is meant to be transformed into positive energy. When it is not, it becomes negative energy.
But, anger arises in us in response to many situations other than injustice. Anger often arises when we feel slighted or rejected, or when we feel envious of someone else. Anger can arise when we find ourselves in an uncomfortable situation that we don't know how to handle.
And, anger leads to angry words often, and at times to angry actions.
Most killings we deal with in court happen because of something stupid, because of conflict erupting over some hurtful words said, or someone's pride being wounded, especially when one or both were intoxicated. Anger moves directly into striking out. More on this later.
Anger is meant to motivate us towards positive action, but when we don't get the hint, then anger takes on a destructive force within us. Anger is meant to be transformed into positive energy. When it is not, it becomes negative energy.
But, anger arises in us in response to many situations other than injustice. Anger often arises when we feel slighted or rejected, or when we feel envious of someone else. Anger can arise when we find ourselves in an uncomfortable situation that we don't know how to handle.
And, anger leads to angry words often, and at times to angry actions.
Most killings we deal with in court happen because of something stupid, because of conflict erupting over some hurtful words said, or someone's pride being wounded, especially when one or both were intoxicated. Anger moves directly into striking out. More on this later.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
A Poem by Anne Porter
A Short Testament
Whatever harm I may have done
In all my life in all your wide creation
If I cannot repair it
I beg you to repair it,
And then there are all the wounded
The poor the deaf the lonely and the old
Whom I have roughly dismissed
As if I were not one of them.
Where I have wronged them by it
And cannot make amends
I ask you
To comfort them to overflowing,
And where there are lives I may have withered around me,
Or lives of strangers far or near
That I've destroyed in blind complicity,
And if I cannot find them
Or have no way to serve them,
Remember them. I beg you to remember them
When winter is over
And all your unimaginable promises
Burst into song on death's bare branches.
"A Short Testament" by Anne Porter, from Living Things(Zoland Books).
Monday, May 16, 2011
Thinking About Reconciliation and Reform
Paul, a Jewish follower of Jesus, says: "God was in Christ reconciling the world to God's very self."
And, deep down in my heart or soul or being, it is that spirit of reconciliation that lives and brings a sense of meaning and purpose in life. It is that commmitment to true and thorough and universal reconciliation that characterizes a "follower of the way of God in Jesus." If this desire for reconciliation among human beings and groups of human beings is unquenchable in your soul, then you have been touched by something divine that is at work in this world.
When I see a person who is a filled with this spirit of reconciliation, I conclude that that person is in the way of Christ, one of those who may not have said, "Lord, Lord" to Jesus, but who does the will of Jesus' father in heaven. When I see a person who is filled with a spirit of discrimination, I conclude that that person is not in the way of Christ, one of those who may have said, "Lord, Lord" to Jesus, but who does not do the will of Jesus' father in heaven.
Abraham Joshua Heschel was a Jew of the 20th century who had a profound understanding of God's will for reconciliation among humanity. The way he interpreted the prophets was in itself prophetic and the spirit of Heschel seemed so much in accordance with the spirit of those who have followed Jesus' path most faithfully.
And, I do see a good spirit and hope of reconciliation in life among many who do not have a close connection to any religious institution or tradition. Will it produce a more just society? Time will tell. On one hand, the Church needs to catch up with the freedom of spirit among the younger generations, and on the other hand, the Church needs to assume a voice with some authority in those essentials areas of human experience where so many younger people have no center of gravity, no foundation.
On one hand, I am part of the Presbyterian Church, U.S.A., an ordained pastor who has been active for the past 22 years. On the other hand, at many times in my life, I have felt a strong revulsion for "church" as an institution and even some trouble with the identity of "Christian" when that means identifying myself more with a group of like-minded people than with the way of the God in Jesus. I seem to have always had this strong critical force inside me that questions and criticizes all commitments, especially religious ones, and wonders if these commitments are idolatrous. It has made it fairly hard on me as a minister to have this critical voice inside, because it breaks down certainties in my own faith. But, I am coming to the point of being very grateful for this critical voice inside, because it clears away false constructions and leaves me seeking God who can never be trapped or controlled inside some human construction. But, it leaves me spending a good bit of time in the "cloud of unknowing," as a wise person once called it. To really take the first commandment to heart, means spending a lot of time in this "cloud of unknowing."
And, I think that it is in this "cloud of unknowing" that we will unite with the faith of our younger generations. As we come to this profound sense of humility and reverence before the mystery of God, those who are younger will sense that there is once again something real in church. The younger generations are tired of arrogant religious authorities, and arrogant human-centered religion that like an insurance saleman can tell you who and who does not have the eternal life insurance policy. If we can't point to something beyond "our own beliefs" and "our own projections about God," then why would anyone have an interest in church?
When we come to the point of "not knowing" and to the point of true reverence for the Holy One, our praise of God and our treatment of other people will really give encouragement and hope to other people.
And, deep down in my heart or soul or being, it is that spirit of reconciliation that lives and brings a sense of meaning and purpose in life. It is that commmitment to true and thorough and universal reconciliation that characterizes a "follower of the way of God in Jesus." If this desire for reconciliation among human beings and groups of human beings is unquenchable in your soul, then you have been touched by something divine that is at work in this world.
When I see a person who is a filled with this spirit of reconciliation, I conclude that that person is in the way of Christ, one of those who may not have said, "Lord, Lord" to Jesus, but who does the will of Jesus' father in heaven. When I see a person who is filled with a spirit of discrimination, I conclude that that person is not in the way of Christ, one of those who may have said, "Lord, Lord" to Jesus, but who does not do the will of Jesus' father in heaven.
Abraham Joshua Heschel was a Jew of the 20th century who had a profound understanding of God's will for reconciliation among humanity. The way he interpreted the prophets was in itself prophetic and the spirit of Heschel seemed so much in accordance with the spirit of those who have followed Jesus' path most faithfully.
And, I do see a good spirit and hope of reconciliation in life among many who do not have a close connection to any religious institution or tradition. Will it produce a more just society? Time will tell. On one hand, the Church needs to catch up with the freedom of spirit among the younger generations, and on the other hand, the Church needs to assume a voice with some authority in those essentials areas of human experience where so many younger people have no center of gravity, no foundation.
On one hand, I am part of the Presbyterian Church, U.S.A., an ordained pastor who has been active for the past 22 years. On the other hand, at many times in my life, I have felt a strong revulsion for "church" as an institution and even some trouble with the identity of "Christian" when that means identifying myself more with a group of like-minded people than with the way of the God in Jesus. I seem to have always had this strong critical force inside me that questions and criticizes all commitments, especially religious ones, and wonders if these commitments are idolatrous. It has made it fairly hard on me as a minister to have this critical voice inside, because it breaks down certainties in my own faith. But, I am coming to the point of being very grateful for this critical voice inside, because it clears away false constructions and leaves me seeking God who can never be trapped or controlled inside some human construction. But, it leaves me spending a good bit of time in the "cloud of unknowing," as a wise person once called it. To really take the first commandment to heart, means spending a lot of time in this "cloud of unknowing."
And, I think that it is in this "cloud of unknowing" that we will unite with the faith of our younger generations. As we come to this profound sense of humility and reverence before the mystery of God, those who are younger will sense that there is once again something real in church. The younger generations are tired of arrogant religious authorities, and arrogant human-centered religion that like an insurance saleman can tell you who and who does not have the eternal life insurance policy. If we can't point to something beyond "our own beliefs" and "our own projections about God," then why would anyone have an interest in church?
When we come to the point of "not knowing" and to the point of true reverence for the Holy One, our praise of God and our treatment of other people will really give encouragement and hope to other people.
Friday, May 6, 2011
The End of This Week and Thoughts about the Morally Ambiguous Job of Criminal Defense
It is Friday evening, and I am very glad to be at home. The weather is very good outside, the view of the mountains is really great, and I don't have any responsibilities to tend to right now.
I am tired. I am not sure why I felt so tired this afternoon as court ended for the week. But, something about the back and forth of cases, the back and forth with judges, and even the back and forth with clients had me worn out. By the "back and forth" I guess I am trying to talk about the emotional tension involved in trying to do my job as a criminal defense lawyer in the criminal justice system.
Working as a lawyer with the Public Defender's Office is not the easiest job - not just because we have a lot of clients to represent, but also because it is a job which is morally ambiguous. We do our work as those who represent the poor who are charged with crimes because we believe that the poor are entitled to a real defense when charged with a crime. We take pride in our public defender's office knowing that we provide better representation for poor people than most private attorneys in our county provide to clients who can afford to pay for legal services. But, we don't get to choose our clients.
And, clearly when you are representing a lot of people charged with crimes, it happens at times that you are working hard and offering your legal skill and knowledge to help someone who is hurting others. Of course, there are many cases in which the question of guilt is not clear or in other cases, an innocent person has been charged, arrested and put on trial when they did nothing criminal at all. But, there are a good number of cases where the charge is valid, where a person has stolen or broken into a house, or harmed another person in some way. Of course, there are many crimes where the person might be guilty, but there is no real victim (possession of illegal drugs or possession of legal drugs without prescription).
As a criminal defense attorney, it is your job to zealously represent your client's interest, which means "try to beat the case if you can within the bounds of the ethical rules, whether it is a good case or not." Of course, if your client says: "I just want to plead guilty, and don't want to fight the case even if it might result in an acquittal," that is their choice. But, most defendants, when threatened with jail time, etc., want to try to beat it if their chances are pretty good, and the risk of trial is not too great.
And, having practiced criminal law now for almost 17 years, I can tell you that the breaks often come to the least deserving, and the hardest results often come to those who really deserve a break. If you want to try and convince me that everything that happens in criminal cases is "God's will" you are going to have a very hard time, unless you can first drug me so that I lose my mind. I have been there; I have been in the middle of it; I have seen horrible injustices, but, then again, some good and just results as well.
But, one thing that makes my morally ambiguous job easier is that often the crimes charged are crimes that people shouldn't be punished for - or, at least shouldn't be punished so harshly as the law requires. So, that makes it very easy to do everything possible to "beat the case." I can't believe any society in the world would decide to lock up people who are 20 years old for drinking beer, or for smoking marijuana. Personally, I really detest marijuana because of experiences I have had living with people that smoked it all the time in college. But, objectively, I have seen people do a lot more harm while drinking too much and I have never seen anyone taken to the hospital for marijuana overdose whereas I have for alcohol poisoning. Still, why are we locking people up for getting a buzz? That is crazy to me.
Why don't we save our jails for people who are going around robbing people or raping people or breaking into houses, etc.? Why do we want to put people in jail for decades for selling some substance to another person who wants it? I understand that drug abuse is a big problem, but so long as millions of people are out there who want to use a drug, some poor people are going to be willing to sell it to them while working for some rich people who make money off of this selling and don't have to face the risk of apprehension and jail.
But, then there are cases in which I really sympathize with the victim or victim's family: murders, sex offenses, robberies, burglaries, felony thefts, identity theft.
There are cases in which I would like to be the prosecutor, because I feel like I would know how to prosecute the case and get the defendant who is dangerous in jail for a long time. But, I am not a prosecutor, but a defense attorney. I have a personal preference for defending other people, not prosecuting and punishing them. But, over the years, I have had a few days when I have really wished the attorney on the other side would do a better job prosecuting. There are cases that the defense should win, and cases that the prosecution should win (of course, the overwhelming majority of cases are worked out by negotiation and agreement in which prosecution and defense compromise). And, the very large majority of those agreements involve a plea of guilty and some type of sentence for the defendant. There is a sense in which most people charged with crimes get a chance or two before "the hammer really comes down on them." But, this is not always the case.
It would leave my soul at peace if the State would win when it is truly just, and the defense would win when it is really just and that negotiated agreements would be truly just. And, when it is really just, for me, does not always mean when the State has charged a defendant who is guilty is found guilty, nor does it mean simply that a defendant who is innocent is found not guilty (though it surely includes that). No, justice means when the result in the end is the will of God. And, God is not bound by human laws and systems of justice.
I do remember that God is merciful, and the God "who raises the dead." Sometimes human beings get another chance in life, a second chance. I like to see people get second and even third chances in life, just as I like to get second chances in areas of life where I have failed. I know there are cases where it seems to risky for the rest of society to let some individuals have a second or third chance at freedom. But, I have to trust that the rest of society will look after that. I am one who advocates for people having second and third chances in life, whether they seem to deserve it or not. There are surely enough straight-laced moral people in society who will be against that to keep the few of us who continue to advocate for those who are considered unworthy of being part of society in check.
Before I start a big trial, I pray: "O God, let your justice be done. Not the justice of human beings, but let your justice be done." I never know for sure what that might be. I try to do my job the best I can, abiding by the ethical rules, to "beat the case," and hope that something truly good and right is accomplished as the prosecutor tries to do her job the best she knows how and the judge and jury try to do theirs. And, as a system, we fail often, but not always.
It is easy to criticize the criminal justice system. We could do better. But, there is always going to be a lot of arbitrariness in it beginning with selecting whom to charge with crimes, to how seriously to prosecute those charged with crimes, to the zealousness and ability of attorneys who defend those charged, to the particular way a situation appears to a judge or jury who decides the fate of the one charged at trial and sentencing.
A good number of us who work in the criminal justice system (judges, lawyers, police officers) still really appreciate our Constitution that provides that no one can be deprived of life or liberty without due process of law, that anyone charged with a crime has the right to a jury trial, that a man or woman has the right to remain silent in the face of the demands of government to answer questions, and that anyone charged with a crime is entitled to have an attorney represent them - whether they can afford it or not. Our country's Constitution has built into it a strong suspicion of governmental authority. When government wants to charge someone with a crime and lock them away, we say: "you've got to prove he or she is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt - otherwise, they walk."
A real respect is shown to individuals through these constitutional rights and their implementation in our criminal justice system. It is a system where many mistakes are made, where there are certainly some corrupting influences, but perhaps more than any other system in our society, it reminds us of the importance of each individual person in our society. Because when we treat the most despised person in society with respect and fairness, it secures our commitment to treat all people with respect and fairness. Maybe the core values of our criminal justice system are really not that morally ambiguous at all.
I am tired. I am not sure why I felt so tired this afternoon as court ended for the week. But, something about the back and forth of cases, the back and forth with judges, and even the back and forth with clients had me worn out. By the "back and forth" I guess I am trying to talk about the emotional tension involved in trying to do my job as a criminal defense lawyer in the criminal justice system.
Working as a lawyer with the Public Defender's Office is not the easiest job - not just because we have a lot of clients to represent, but also because it is a job which is morally ambiguous. We do our work as those who represent the poor who are charged with crimes because we believe that the poor are entitled to a real defense when charged with a crime. We take pride in our public defender's office knowing that we provide better representation for poor people than most private attorneys in our county provide to clients who can afford to pay for legal services. But, we don't get to choose our clients.
And, clearly when you are representing a lot of people charged with crimes, it happens at times that you are working hard and offering your legal skill and knowledge to help someone who is hurting others. Of course, there are many cases in which the question of guilt is not clear or in other cases, an innocent person has been charged, arrested and put on trial when they did nothing criminal at all. But, there are a good number of cases where the charge is valid, where a person has stolen or broken into a house, or harmed another person in some way. Of course, there are many crimes where the person might be guilty, but there is no real victim (possession of illegal drugs or possession of legal drugs without prescription).
As a criminal defense attorney, it is your job to zealously represent your client's interest, which means "try to beat the case if you can within the bounds of the ethical rules, whether it is a good case or not." Of course, if your client says: "I just want to plead guilty, and don't want to fight the case even if it might result in an acquittal," that is their choice. But, most defendants, when threatened with jail time, etc., want to try to beat it if their chances are pretty good, and the risk of trial is not too great.
And, having practiced criminal law now for almost 17 years, I can tell you that the breaks often come to the least deserving, and the hardest results often come to those who really deserve a break. If you want to try and convince me that everything that happens in criminal cases is "God's will" you are going to have a very hard time, unless you can first drug me so that I lose my mind. I have been there; I have been in the middle of it; I have seen horrible injustices, but, then again, some good and just results as well.
But, one thing that makes my morally ambiguous job easier is that often the crimes charged are crimes that people shouldn't be punished for - or, at least shouldn't be punished so harshly as the law requires. So, that makes it very easy to do everything possible to "beat the case." I can't believe any society in the world would decide to lock up people who are 20 years old for drinking beer, or for smoking marijuana. Personally, I really detest marijuana because of experiences I have had living with people that smoked it all the time in college. But, objectively, I have seen people do a lot more harm while drinking too much and I have never seen anyone taken to the hospital for marijuana overdose whereas I have for alcohol poisoning. Still, why are we locking people up for getting a buzz? That is crazy to me.
Why don't we save our jails for people who are going around robbing people or raping people or breaking into houses, etc.? Why do we want to put people in jail for decades for selling some substance to another person who wants it? I understand that drug abuse is a big problem, but so long as millions of people are out there who want to use a drug, some poor people are going to be willing to sell it to them while working for some rich people who make money off of this selling and don't have to face the risk of apprehension and jail.
But, then there are cases in which I really sympathize with the victim or victim's family: murders, sex offenses, robberies, burglaries, felony thefts, identity theft.
There are cases in which I would like to be the prosecutor, because I feel like I would know how to prosecute the case and get the defendant who is dangerous in jail for a long time. But, I am not a prosecutor, but a defense attorney. I have a personal preference for defending other people, not prosecuting and punishing them. But, over the years, I have had a few days when I have really wished the attorney on the other side would do a better job prosecuting. There are cases that the defense should win, and cases that the prosecution should win (of course, the overwhelming majority of cases are worked out by negotiation and agreement in which prosecution and defense compromise). And, the very large majority of those agreements involve a plea of guilty and some type of sentence for the defendant. There is a sense in which most people charged with crimes get a chance or two before "the hammer really comes down on them." But, this is not always the case.
It would leave my soul at peace if the State would win when it is truly just, and the defense would win when it is really just and that negotiated agreements would be truly just. And, when it is really just, for me, does not always mean when the State has charged a defendant who is guilty is found guilty, nor does it mean simply that a defendant who is innocent is found not guilty (though it surely includes that). No, justice means when the result in the end is the will of God. And, God is not bound by human laws and systems of justice.
I do remember that God is merciful, and the God "who raises the dead." Sometimes human beings get another chance in life, a second chance. I like to see people get second and even third chances in life, just as I like to get second chances in areas of life where I have failed. I know there are cases where it seems to risky for the rest of society to let some individuals have a second or third chance at freedom. But, I have to trust that the rest of society will look after that. I am one who advocates for people having second and third chances in life, whether they seem to deserve it or not. There are surely enough straight-laced moral people in society who will be against that to keep the few of us who continue to advocate for those who are considered unworthy of being part of society in check.
Before I start a big trial, I pray: "O God, let your justice be done. Not the justice of human beings, but let your justice be done." I never know for sure what that might be. I try to do my job the best I can, abiding by the ethical rules, to "beat the case," and hope that something truly good and right is accomplished as the prosecutor tries to do her job the best she knows how and the judge and jury try to do theirs. And, as a system, we fail often, but not always.
It is easy to criticize the criminal justice system. We could do better. But, there is always going to be a lot of arbitrariness in it beginning with selecting whom to charge with crimes, to how seriously to prosecute those charged with crimes, to the zealousness and ability of attorneys who defend those charged, to the particular way a situation appears to a judge or jury who decides the fate of the one charged at trial and sentencing.
A good number of us who work in the criminal justice system (judges, lawyers, police officers) still really appreciate our Constitution that provides that no one can be deprived of life or liberty without due process of law, that anyone charged with a crime has the right to a jury trial, that a man or woman has the right to remain silent in the face of the demands of government to answer questions, and that anyone charged with a crime is entitled to have an attorney represent them - whether they can afford it or not. Our country's Constitution has built into it a strong suspicion of governmental authority. When government wants to charge someone with a crime and lock them away, we say: "you've got to prove he or she is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt - otherwise, they walk."
A real respect is shown to individuals through these constitutional rights and their implementation in our criminal justice system. It is a system where many mistakes are made, where there are certainly some corrupting influences, but perhaps more than any other system in our society, it reminds us of the importance of each individual person in our society. Because when we treat the most despised person in society with respect and fairness, it secures our commitment to treat all people with respect and fairness. Maybe the core values of our criminal justice system are really not that morally ambiguous at all.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Authority
I am grateful for a certain distrust of human authority that was passed on to me with a deep and sure confidence in Divine authority.
If you look at the Ten Commandments, there is the Great Authority, God, above all. And, then there is at the human level only one authority established: parents.
That's about enough authority for me. Every other form of authority is simply necessary as a practical and organizational matter, but not essential to life.
I just don't buy that it is to be assumed that there is Divine legitimacy to political authorities and authorities in society. I know this emphasis about all authority being established by God is included in Scripture - most particularly in Romans 13 - but so much of Scripture is critical and even undermines this teaching about "rulers of this world." Even Paul's own teaching in 1 Corinthians, chapter 1 seems all about challenging every human authority in light of God's revelation in Jesus' death. Also, consider the Bible's view of the authority of Pharoah in Egypt, or of King Ahab in Israel, or the Roman authority at the time of Revelation to John. And, consider how Paul dealt with Roman and Jewish authorities and ended up in prison again and again for it. So, I have to interpret what Paul wrote in Romans 13 about respecting authority in context of what he wrote in other letters, what he did, and what is written in other parts of Scripture. As I interpret passages like this, I also seek understanding from the experience I have in life of God's guidance and truth in dealing with authorities.
Authority and authorities play an important role in human life. The real trick I guess is to figure out how any particular authority is in relation to the Great Authority to determine if that authority has a measure of legitimacy. It is also important to realize that each one of us has to exercise authority in our lives whether we recognize it or not. I might say that all authority is to be suspected, but then what about my "parental authority" or "pastoral authority" or the authority I have over certain matters in the legal system. Yes, we all have a sphere in which we exercise authority. And, yes, it is good to be a little suspicious of all authority, even our own. Because there is only One who has authority that is beyond question.
If you look at the Ten Commandments, there is the Great Authority, God, above all. And, then there is at the human level only one authority established: parents.
That's about enough authority for me. Every other form of authority is simply necessary as a practical and organizational matter, but not essential to life.
I just don't buy that it is to be assumed that there is Divine legitimacy to political authorities and authorities in society. I know this emphasis about all authority being established by God is included in Scripture - most particularly in Romans 13 - but so much of Scripture is critical and even undermines this teaching about "rulers of this world." Even Paul's own teaching in 1 Corinthians, chapter 1 seems all about challenging every human authority in light of God's revelation in Jesus' death. Also, consider the Bible's view of the authority of Pharoah in Egypt, or of King Ahab in Israel, or the Roman authority at the time of Revelation to John. And, consider how Paul dealt with Roman and Jewish authorities and ended up in prison again and again for it. So, I have to interpret what Paul wrote in Romans 13 about respecting authority in context of what he wrote in other letters, what he did, and what is written in other parts of Scripture. As I interpret passages like this, I also seek understanding from the experience I have in life of God's guidance and truth in dealing with authorities.
Authority and authorities play an important role in human life. The real trick I guess is to figure out how any particular authority is in relation to the Great Authority to determine if that authority has a measure of legitimacy. It is also important to realize that each one of us has to exercise authority in our lives whether we recognize it or not. I might say that all authority is to be suspected, but then what about my "parental authority" or "pastoral authority" or the authority I have over certain matters in the legal system. Yes, we all have a sphere in which we exercise authority. And, yes, it is good to be a little suspicious of all authority, even our own. Because there is only One who has authority that is beyond question.
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