It was early December of 1996 or 97, and I was appointed to represent a “Mall Santa Claus,” Mr. C., who was charged with doing a very unchristmaslike thing – he was alleged to have fondled two young teenage girls who had been sitting on his lap for a picture. Santa adamantly denied the charges, and it was frankly very hard to tell who was telling the truth: the girls or Santa (he really did look like Santa).
Well, after much preparation, the trial date came, and I had subpoenaed Santa’s elf, who was to testify to what he had seen. But, first, the State had called the girls to testify about how Santa had touched them a little here and a little there and been looking down one of the girl’s blouses, and every chance the D.A. got she threw in some comment about how it was all done for his sexual gratification. We heard from the girls that they had gotten onto his lap for a picture.
After the girls and the detective had testified, I called my first witness – the elf. He was to be my star witness. The man who was dressed up as an elf at the time of the events in question had seen these two girls with Santa during the picture taking, and said he had not noticed anything out of the ordinary, certainly no fondling. But, before he got to that crucial part of his elfish testimony, I was asking him a few preliminary, background questions. I asked: “When were you first employed at the Mall?” He, in his very strong East Tennessee accent, said: “I got “hard on” in November.” And, although he meant “hired on,” we all at once heard “HARD ON,” and we didn’t hear “in November”. No, it all stopped for us at “ I got hard on!” A wave of laughter was building. I saw it in opposing counsel’s look, noticed the judge looking down, and I was feeling this huge almost overwhelming insane desire to approach the bench for a side bar and ask the judge and D.A.: "did he really say 'I got hard on?' and then watch them lose it. As I tried to ask the next question, the words caught as I suppressed my laughter, and I couldn’t move on. I paced back and forth trying to regain my composure, but all I could hear echoing in my head was the very funny answer of the elf: “I got hard on” in this case about the alleged fondling at the Christmas scene in the mall, and after all of the D.A.’s talk about Santa having done this for sexual gratification. I wondered if maybe I could pin it on the Elf! It was at least good, I thought, that Santa Claus hadn’t answered this way.
It seemed like it took me five minutes to move on with questioning, but I think it only took about a minute. It was the longest minute I have ever endured in court, and one of the funniest. I would pace towards the witness, start to break a smile, and turn and pace back towards the defense table to get it back together. It was like being in church during communion when the guy next to you farts. It is the funniest thing that has ever happened in the history of the world - at least in that moment - and you could laugh so loud if you let it out that you would blow the roof off! I really never gained my composure for the rest of that trial in General Sessions Court. Everytime I relaxed just a little bit, I felt like I was going to start laughing and just give in to it and say: "I'm done for today! You can just take me away if you need to!" And, just give in to maniacal laughter. I’m sure the judge would have removed me from court, but probably would have shown some mercy later (I could see him fighting the same demon of laughter up there on the bench). And, to make it worse, I noticed something on the other side of the court room. A few minutes after the elf's answer had gotten to most us, I noticed the one D.A. who was wiping back tears from her eyes whisper to the other new D.A. who apparently hadn't "caught on yet." And, then I see the other new D.A. shaking uncontrollably as she "got it." I had really gathered myself and was doing fine until then. The internal battle started again.
Well, we lost that trial, but appealed to a higher court (in Tennessee, when you lose a trial in General Sessions Court, you have the right to appeal and start over again in Circuit Court). Santa was in jail for a few hours until he got out on an appeal bond. A couple of months later, we won in our new trial before a higher court. The second time around we were entitled to hear the girls’ taped interview with the police right before I cross-examined them. The interview was very revealing. Although the judge didn’t hear the recording of this interview, I was able to question them about what they had previously said, and that was fairly revealing and cast some serious doubt on what had really happened. In the end, the judge said he thought that Santa was too careless in his dealings with girls that age, but that he didn’t believe the State had proven that Santa had any intent to sexually molest anybody.
I think the judge really got that one right. The girls and their families really thought the judge got that one wrong. So, part of this story was very funny, and part of it was very sad. Sad because someone had either been falsely accused of a very bad thing and had to deal with that for months and sad because these girls may very well have exaggerated what happened without concern for harm to another. Or, sad because the girls had been really touched in a way that was very wrong and they communicated it to others in such a way that they just weren't very believable even though they were really telling the truth. As I said at the outset of this, frankly it was very hard to tell who was telling the truth. That is the reason I said that the judge had gotten it right. When it is like that, the State has not proven their case beyond a reasonable doubt, and "not guilty" is the only verdict to announce. I had the feeling my guy was telling the truth, but as I saw those two girls crying at the end (one looked like she was really crying; the other one like she was trying to look like she was really crying) and looking at me like I was Satan himself, I felt the burden of not knowing for sure. That is a burden we bear in this life and as an attorney. You play your role and get some kind of verdict, but then never really get to the root of the problem. Those two girls really did have a problem (or, at least one did). The only question was whether Santa had caused it or whether someone before Santa had caused it and he had just been at the wrong place and the wrong time and gotten caught up in her problem. So, I defended Santa Claus and he was acquitted. That was the end of the legal case. My client died a few years later from cancer, and one of his family members told me how deeply he had appreciated my help in this case - what a burden it had lifted for people to know he was not guilty of such a thing. I wonder how things went for those two girls who are now probably in their mid-20s. If they were lying, the verdict may have helped them. There is nothing worse than being left in our lies when we are growing up. If they were telling something close to the truth, the verdict may have had a bad affect on them.
And, oh yeah, at the second trial I was very careful in how I questioned the elf! Everyone dared me to ask the question about employment the same way I did in the first hearing. Truth was I was scared to call him as a witness after that first experience, but I had to. I was not about to stir that pot again though, so I came up with a simple strategy. I asked a leading question: “You started working at the Mall in November of 1996?” And, it worked like a charm. He said: “yes,” and I moved on. All down hill after that.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A Day in Court for a Couple of Assistant District Public Defenders
We had two lawyers in court today to represent around 50 clients. We started court at 9:00 a.m. and we went straight through until 4:30 p.m. without any lunch-break. Some clients had to wait a long time before we even talked to them. There were about 15 people in jail and the rest sitting out in the court room. Now that I think of it, we probably had closer to 60 clients, but that's the point, I don't even know for sure, there were so many. And, we were supposed to carry out our professional duty as criminal defense attorneys for every single person. I had one guy with an aggravated assault charge, another woman with an aggravated robbery charge, and there were a few lower level felonies and the rest misdemeanors: DUIs, misdemeanor thefts (shoplifting), Driving on Revoked License, Drug possession, Assault, Vandalism, Criminal Impersonation, etc. At times I was talking to two or three clients outside the courtroom in the hallway; at other times, I was talking to the D.A. about three or four cases at once; other times, I was talking to one of my clients in the inmate group, and then interviewing an officer about a case I was dealing with. A few clients would let me know they really needed to get through to get to a job or a medical appointment or because the person who gave them a ride was having low blood sugar trouble and needed to go. I basically said: "I'll get you out of court as soon as I can. We have a few too many cases today."
And, there was a point today when we weren't even adversaries with the D.A. - hell, I think we even felt sorry for her, and she felt sorry for us! She even picked up my lunch I had left over at the Public Defender's Office and I wolfed it down why we were working out cases. What an overwhelming mess of human problems to handle, whatever side you were on. We could see it in her face, and she could see it in our eyes - "if we get through with today, I will find another job, live another life, never come back here again!!!" So many people, so many upset people, so many people who are expecting this and that. So many people in so much trouble, so much of it such stupid trouble. So many people without jobs, without anything much to do, not taking care of much of anything very well. Just living on. Most of these criminal defendants were not doing anything too awful, but just plain not seeming to do much at all very good either. It is the doing nothing much that really lands them in such deep shit. When you do nothing over and over and over again, you dig a pit that's very hard to get out of. And, then a number of our clients have just made some mistakes as young people that so many of us made without getting caught.
In the Public Defender's Office, we get some sense of the pit our clients are in, and we try to help them take a step or two out of it - then the rest is up to them. It seems like we ought to walk at least a few more steps with them. But, we are damn good at helping people get another chance, helping them make it out of the pit. We can't get everybody another chance, but we do it a whole lot. And, sometimes with so many people, they've been down for so long and without anyone standing by them for so long, that when you take their case, assert their rights, and win something for them; it may not change their life; but, they do have the experience of having someone take their side, stand beside them for a while. And, we are proud to do that, especially for those who didn't think anybody would really listen to their side and consider their side of the story worth standing up for. And, truth is, we just don't like authority. And, when authority gets out of hand and tries to smash our client like a bug - well, then authority finds out that there are forces stronger than authority.
Tommorrow morning I'll be back in court with about 15 clients, not sure how many in jail, how many out. It will mostly be misdemeanors, violations of probation, but maybe something serious as well. We never know what new cases we will get. There will be young women with babies watching boyfriends in jail suits, grandmothers asking about their grandsons, probably a pregnant woman crying as she is getting put in jail for violating her probation, a mentally ill inmate or two. Most of our clients will be pretty nice; one or two will be real obnoxious and bug the hell out of us. Somebody will tell us something so wierd that we will have to take each other aside a second to talk about it. One of us will get real pissed at either the judge or one of the D.A.s and we will have to take each other aside and talk about it, and then back to business. I'll get paged two or three times about why somebody is late to court. We will be giving advice right and left, making decisions on cases every few minutes, telling our clients their odds on winning their case, on going to jail or not if they don't win their case, etc. Finding out how much jail time our clients would accept and then telling the D.A. that our clients would accept less than they really would, in order to get what our clients would accept.
When you've handled cases for 20 or more clients in a day, it leaves you tired. It is like my nervous energy is all stirred up, and at some point somewhere inside you start to wonder whether you gave people what you should have given them today. Sometimes you get the legal work right, but the people work wrong. Sometimes just taking one extra minute makes such a difference to a person who is worried about what is going to happen to them. I keep trying to find those extra minutes during the court day. It may be that in finding those few extra minutes for clients that we remember what it means to be human. One thing it means is to remember that the person you are dealing with is a human being, which is a damn important thing to be.
And, there was a point today when we weren't even adversaries with the D.A. - hell, I think we even felt sorry for her, and she felt sorry for us! She even picked up my lunch I had left over at the Public Defender's Office and I wolfed it down why we were working out cases. What an overwhelming mess of human problems to handle, whatever side you were on. We could see it in her face, and she could see it in our eyes - "if we get through with today, I will find another job, live another life, never come back here again!!!" So many people, so many upset people, so many people who are expecting this and that. So many people in so much trouble, so much of it such stupid trouble. So many people without jobs, without anything much to do, not taking care of much of anything very well. Just living on. Most of these criminal defendants were not doing anything too awful, but just plain not seeming to do much at all very good either. It is the doing nothing much that really lands them in such deep shit. When you do nothing over and over and over again, you dig a pit that's very hard to get out of. And, then a number of our clients have just made some mistakes as young people that so many of us made without getting caught.
In the Public Defender's Office, we get some sense of the pit our clients are in, and we try to help them take a step or two out of it - then the rest is up to them. It seems like we ought to walk at least a few more steps with them. But, we are damn good at helping people get another chance, helping them make it out of the pit. We can't get everybody another chance, but we do it a whole lot. And, sometimes with so many people, they've been down for so long and without anyone standing by them for so long, that when you take their case, assert their rights, and win something for them; it may not change their life; but, they do have the experience of having someone take their side, stand beside them for a while. And, we are proud to do that, especially for those who didn't think anybody would really listen to their side and consider their side of the story worth standing up for. And, truth is, we just don't like authority. And, when authority gets out of hand and tries to smash our client like a bug - well, then authority finds out that there are forces stronger than authority.
Tommorrow morning I'll be back in court with about 15 clients, not sure how many in jail, how many out. It will mostly be misdemeanors, violations of probation, but maybe something serious as well. We never know what new cases we will get. There will be young women with babies watching boyfriends in jail suits, grandmothers asking about their grandsons, probably a pregnant woman crying as she is getting put in jail for violating her probation, a mentally ill inmate or two. Most of our clients will be pretty nice; one or two will be real obnoxious and bug the hell out of us. Somebody will tell us something so wierd that we will have to take each other aside a second to talk about it. One of us will get real pissed at either the judge or one of the D.A.s and we will have to take each other aside and talk about it, and then back to business. I'll get paged two or three times about why somebody is late to court. We will be giving advice right and left, making decisions on cases every few minutes, telling our clients their odds on winning their case, on going to jail or not if they don't win their case, etc. Finding out how much jail time our clients would accept and then telling the D.A. that our clients would accept less than they really would, in order to get what our clients would accept.
When you've handled cases for 20 or more clients in a day, it leaves you tired. It is like my nervous energy is all stirred up, and at some point somewhere inside you start to wonder whether you gave people what you should have given them today. Sometimes you get the legal work right, but the people work wrong. Sometimes just taking one extra minute makes such a difference to a person who is worried about what is going to happen to them. I keep trying to find those extra minutes during the court day. It may be that in finding those few extra minutes for clients that we remember what it means to be human. One thing it means is to remember that the person you are dealing with is a human being, which is a damn important thing to be.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Meaning of Jesus' Death from a Theocentric Faith
In Romans 3:21-27, Paul makes use of an early interpretation of Jesus death through use of sacrificial imagery. 3:24: "they are now justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as an expiation for sin by his blood." Paul very, very rarely uses this sacrificial imagery to interpet/declare the meaning of Jesus' death. In fact, I can only think of anything close to this sacrifical imagery in two other places in Paul's letters: 1 Corinthians 15:3; Galatians 1:4. Pauline scholars think that in these places Paul is using early creedal statements from the Jewish Christian tradition and drawing them into his way of understanding Jesus' death, which is not in legal/sacrificial categories of thought.
Scholar Paul Meyer, who taught at Princeton for a long time, and was a wonderful man too, says of Paul's use of this sacrificial imagery (expiation for sin) in speaking of Jesus' death:
"What God has undertaken, in the formula Paul quotes, is "expiation," a means for dealing with human sin, and not "propitiation," a means for meeting God's wrath by offering something to appease it. In all Paul's references to atonement, Christ was crucified "for us," never for God; always as a gift, never as punishment.
"That leads to a second point. Paul does not play God's graciousness off against his righteousness. Instead, God's gift in the death of Jesus is itself a manifestation of God's righteousness apart from the Mosaic law. . . the righteousness of God is in the first place his saving action in coming to the aid of his people."
Paul Meyer, "Commentary on Romans," in The Word in this World, pp. 169.
Though Paul did not utilize legal/juristic as his central way of understanding and proclaiming the meaning of Jesus' death; the Western Christian tradition completely subsumed all other ways of understanding Jesus' death under the legal/juristic (Jesus dies because God can't forgive our sins because he is righteous and demands perfection, whereas we are sinful and can't give it, except by virtue of clinging to Jesus by faith). This Western interpretation didn't come to full form until sometime after Anselm's classic statement of western atonement theology in the 11th century. Eastern Christianity has always had a more Biblical/Pauline approach to Jesus' death, seeing in it as the work of God, who, as Paul says: "was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them." 2 Corinthians 5:19. The Gospel of John also sees the death of Jesus as flowing from the love of God for humanity ("for God so loved the world that he gave his only son" and "the son was sent into the world not to condemn, but to save the world").
The real point which was important to John Calvin, and perhaps was missed somewhat by Luther, was of a "God-centered" understanding of atonement, not a "Christ-centered" understanding. It all starts with God whose will is done by Jesus, who through his complete obedience to God accomplishes God's faithfulness and complete love for humanity. Any understanding of Christ's death that leads people to trust Jesus in any way apart from trusting God is really a type of idolatry and Jews are right to object to that. When one looks at Jesus with the eyes of faith, that one sees through Jesus to God. If you don't see through Jesus to God, you are seeing something besides the Jesus who said "not my will, but thy will be done," whose goal in all of life was not his glory but the glory of God on earth.
This post may not make sense as I have written it. But, the point I am searching to make is one that feels very critical to me as a follower of Jesus. A God-centered understanding of Jesus opens the heart to all humanity. A Jesus-centered understanding of Jesus closes the heart to those outside of this perspective.
Scholar Paul Meyer, who taught at Princeton for a long time, and was a wonderful man too, says of Paul's use of this sacrificial imagery (expiation for sin) in speaking of Jesus' death:
"What God has undertaken, in the formula Paul quotes, is "expiation," a means for dealing with human sin, and not "propitiation," a means for meeting God's wrath by offering something to appease it. In all Paul's references to atonement, Christ was crucified "for us," never for God; always as a gift, never as punishment.
"That leads to a second point. Paul does not play God's graciousness off against his righteousness. Instead, God's gift in the death of Jesus is itself a manifestation of God's righteousness apart from the Mosaic law. . . the righteousness of God is in the first place his saving action in coming to the aid of his people."
Paul Meyer, "Commentary on Romans," in The Word in this World, pp. 169.
Though Paul did not utilize legal/juristic as his central way of understanding and proclaiming the meaning of Jesus' death; the Western Christian tradition completely subsumed all other ways of understanding Jesus' death under the legal/juristic (Jesus dies because God can't forgive our sins because he is righteous and demands perfection, whereas we are sinful and can't give it, except by virtue of clinging to Jesus by faith). This Western interpretation didn't come to full form until sometime after Anselm's classic statement of western atonement theology in the 11th century. Eastern Christianity has always had a more Biblical/Pauline approach to Jesus' death, seeing in it as the work of God, who, as Paul says: "was in Christ reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them." 2 Corinthians 5:19. The Gospel of John also sees the death of Jesus as flowing from the love of God for humanity ("for God so loved the world that he gave his only son" and "the son was sent into the world not to condemn, but to save the world").
The real point which was important to John Calvin, and perhaps was missed somewhat by Luther, was of a "God-centered" understanding of atonement, not a "Christ-centered" understanding. It all starts with God whose will is done by Jesus, who through his complete obedience to God accomplishes God's faithfulness and complete love for humanity. Any understanding of Christ's death that leads people to trust Jesus in any way apart from trusting God is really a type of idolatry and Jews are right to object to that. When one looks at Jesus with the eyes of faith, that one sees through Jesus to God. If you don't see through Jesus to God, you are seeing something besides the Jesus who said "not my will, but thy will be done," whose goal in all of life was not his glory but the glory of God on earth.
This post may not make sense as I have written it. But, the point I am searching to make is one that feels very critical to me as a follower of Jesus. A God-centered understanding of Jesus opens the heart to all humanity. A Jesus-centered understanding of Jesus closes the heart to those outside of this perspective.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Bible as Holy Ground
I started this blog back in March with a post about "the Bible as Holy Ground." I deleted that post sometime along the way -not because I had changed my mind about it -but because I wanted to develop the theme more fully later on. So, here I am getting back to the theme.
First, I wish I could find a copy of Karl Barth's essay: "The Strange New World of the Bible," which inspired me very much in college as I began to find the words to express what I had experienced in reading and interpreting and hearing the Bible. Barth's position was in contrast to the fundamentalist modernist (conservative) and the historical-critical modernist (liberal). The liberal and the conservative had reduced the Bible to a text that could be manipulated through historical-critical method or through so-called "literal interpretation" to represent any modern ideology (conservatives used their biblical interpretation to uphold slavery; liberals used their intepretation to sanction Hitler's regime). Following very much in the spirit of Barth's teaching (which began at the close of WWI), it seems to me that conservatives and liberals don't look at the Bible as "holy ground." I walk on to the ground of the Bible, not real sure of what might happen, because I think it is "holy ground" where I lose my footing and wait upon the voice of the living God. The fundamentalist thinks the voice of God has been deposited in the book and is contained in the book- as if you had all the "words God had ever spoken" on a CD and could just play them over and over again word for word (maybe it reduces anxiety to think you've got the Holy One in a book). The liberal, on the other hand, thinks that with the Bible, we have no more than people's "words about God," words that may have arisen from the origins of our religious faith as Jews and Christians and Muslims, but, nonetheless just "words of human beings bearing witness to their understanding of God and themselves." That is sort of an anxiety reducer too, because then you never entertain the possibility that something someone wrote in the Bible might just be "God's truth" and have a claim on you.
What I mean when I say the Bible is "holy ground" is that human words in scripture can be truly experienced as God's word to humans. But, not unless, you accept that these words are truly human words, spoken and written by human beings. And, not unless, you accept that these words could not have been spoken unless there was a divine Word that they were in contact with. The Bible is best thought of as a sacred and authoritative "witness" to the Living God and as that "holy ground" upon which God calls us to "remove the sandals" of our understanding and receive the beginning of wisdom from the divine. The conservative way and the liberal way are both too arrogant to approach the Bible properly. The conservative think the meaning is already deposited in the book, and that it is there for him to use as he will. The liberal thinks there is no given meaning at all in the book, and that the sacred writings are great material that can be used by the interpreter who provides the meaning. But, neither liberal nor conservative seems to be under the authority of the Scripture, but seems to be in authority over Scripture. In a frightening, idolatrous sense, the fundamentalist seems to think he or she "has got God in a book," to be used to further whatever projects the fundamentalist deeply loves. The fundamentalist seems to have substituted the Bible for God. What I really miss when I hear conservative sermons is the experience of a living God, the sense that God is acting and speaking now. That's basically what I miss in liberal sermons too. The liberal criticizes the fundamentalist's misuse of scripture and bibliolatry (making of the Bible an idol), but the liberal "brings down the Bible" and raises up his or her own ideology as well, but simply doesn't think he or she needs biblical support for it.
Both fundamentalist and liberal views of the Bible lack the two things truly necessary for a real engagement with the Bible: REVERENCE FOR THE LIVING GOD, and EXPECTATION THAT THE LIVING GOD MAKES USE OF THE SCRIPTURE TO REVEAL HIS LIVING WORD TO HUMAN BEINGS.
That means to believe that God speaks now, not just back in Bible Days! It also means that God spoke back in Bible Days, not just now.
It might be good if I would deal with a couple of passages directly and explain how these different views of the scripture really affect understanding of scripture. And, I'll do that sometime later. I do that at times on my Church Bible Blog as I am currently studying Romans. As I ran into the verses in Romans 1 where Paul talks about the immorality that comes of idolatry and refers to homosexual acts in the list of immoral conduct, I began to discuss how we were to take this reference in our day. Maybe I'll conclude that discussion by some analysis of how the liberal and conservative approaches to the Bible affect interpretation of this passage and how the "Bible as Holy Ground" way is different. I am sure that my interpretation tends one way or another depending upon the views I hold - but . . . interpretation of the Bible doesn't stop there. My feeling and initial understanding of a passage only starts the holy struggle for meaning, a meaning that surprises, that comes from beyond my meanings, but graciously allows me to participate in the process of understanding. On this 'holy ground' we eventually become silent until the truth that was not possible for us is given as a new possibility for us - what is not possible for humans is possible for God. In the end, the Word of God is that impossible possibility that brings life out of death, hope out of hopelessness, love out of hatred. When you read scripture and come to that experience, you have been on holy ground.
Well, that's enough for now.
First, I wish I could find a copy of Karl Barth's essay: "The Strange New World of the Bible," which inspired me very much in college as I began to find the words to express what I had experienced in reading and interpreting and hearing the Bible. Barth's position was in contrast to the fundamentalist modernist (conservative) and the historical-critical modernist (liberal). The liberal and the conservative had reduced the Bible to a text that could be manipulated through historical-critical method or through so-called "literal interpretation" to represent any modern ideology (conservatives used their biblical interpretation to uphold slavery; liberals used their intepretation to sanction Hitler's regime). Following very much in the spirit of Barth's teaching (which began at the close of WWI), it seems to me that conservatives and liberals don't look at the Bible as "holy ground." I walk on to the ground of the Bible, not real sure of what might happen, because I think it is "holy ground" where I lose my footing and wait upon the voice of the living God. The fundamentalist thinks the voice of God has been deposited in the book and is contained in the book- as if you had all the "words God had ever spoken" on a CD and could just play them over and over again word for word (maybe it reduces anxiety to think you've got the Holy One in a book). The liberal, on the other hand, thinks that with the Bible, we have no more than people's "words about God," words that may have arisen from the origins of our religious faith as Jews and Christians and Muslims, but, nonetheless just "words of human beings bearing witness to their understanding of God and themselves." That is sort of an anxiety reducer too, because then you never entertain the possibility that something someone wrote in the Bible might just be "God's truth" and have a claim on you.
What I mean when I say the Bible is "holy ground" is that human words in scripture can be truly experienced as God's word to humans. But, not unless, you accept that these words are truly human words, spoken and written by human beings. And, not unless, you accept that these words could not have been spoken unless there was a divine Word that they were in contact with. The Bible is best thought of as a sacred and authoritative "witness" to the Living God and as that "holy ground" upon which God calls us to "remove the sandals" of our understanding and receive the beginning of wisdom from the divine. The conservative way and the liberal way are both too arrogant to approach the Bible properly. The conservative think the meaning is already deposited in the book, and that it is there for him to use as he will. The liberal thinks there is no given meaning at all in the book, and that the sacred writings are great material that can be used by the interpreter who provides the meaning. But, neither liberal nor conservative seems to be under the authority of the Scripture, but seems to be in authority over Scripture. In a frightening, idolatrous sense, the fundamentalist seems to think he or she "has got God in a book," to be used to further whatever projects the fundamentalist deeply loves. The fundamentalist seems to have substituted the Bible for God. What I really miss when I hear conservative sermons is the experience of a living God, the sense that God is acting and speaking now. That's basically what I miss in liberal sermons too. The liberal criticizes the fundamentalist's misuse of scripture and bibliolatry (making of the Bible an idol), but the liberal "brings down the Bible" and raises up his or her own ideology as well, but simply doesn't think he or she needs biblical support for it.
Both fundamentalist and liberal views of the Bible lack the two things truly necessary for a real engagement with the Bible: REVERENCE FOR THE LIVING GOD, and EXPECTATION THAT THE LIVING GOD MAKES USE OF THE SCRIPTURE TO REVEAL HIS LIVING WORD TO HUMAN BEINGS.
That means to believe that God speaks now, not just back in Bible Days! It also means that God spoke back in Bible Days, not just now.
It might be good if I would deal with a couple of passages directly and explain how these different views of the scripture really affect understanding of scripture. And, I'll do that sometime later. I do that at times on my Church Bible Blog as I am currently studying Romans. As I ran into the verses in Romans 1 where Paul talks about the immorality that comes of idolatry and refers to homosexual acts in the list of immoral conduct, I began to discuss how we were to take this reference in our day. Maybe I'll conclude that discussion by some analysis of how the liberal and conservative approaches to the Bible affect interpretation of this passage and how the "Bible as Holy Ground" way is different. I am sure that my interpretation tends one way or another depending upon the views I hold - but . . . interpretation of the Bible doesn't stop there. My feeling and initial understanding of a passage only starts the holy struggle for meaning, a meaning that surprises, that comes from beyond my meanings, but graciously allows me to participate in the process of understanding. On this 'holy ground' we eventually become silent until the truth that was not possible for us is given as a new possibility for us - what is not possible for humans is possible for God. In the end, the Word of God is that impossible possibility that brings life out of death, hope out of hopelessness, love out of hatred. When you read scripture and come to that experience, you have been on holy ground.
Well, that's enough for now.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Saturday Morning and I'm Not Preaching Tommorrow
The few of you that read this post have probably woken up by now on Saturday morning or will pretty soon. And, for about all of you "it's Saturday morning and you're not preaching tommorrow." I have spent 20 years waking up on Saturday morning, and turning my thoughts towards the sermon I am going to preach the next morning. Some weeks, I was about ready; some weeks I hadn't even gotten a start. But, I have always gotten up and worked on the sermon on Saturday morning. Normally, I think on it during the week; even writing out notes on two or three prospective sermons. But, Saturday is when it has to start coming together (not to say I haven't started from scratch on some Sunday mornings).
This process of sermon preparation is a very personal process and a process that I realize has helped my life over the years. But, over the past twenty years, I didn't really think much about what preparing a sermon was all about, I just did it. It wasn't until I started having Sundays off from preaching that I realized what it was about. And, I have to admit that I really miss preaching when I am not preaching. I don't miss it too much on Sunday morning as much as I miss it on Saturday morning. Like I am missing it this morning. But, what is it I like about knowing I will preach the next day?
Part of it seems to be that there is something about it that is just deep down who I am, and when you are involved in doing something that is deep down who you are, it renews your life. When you are involved in something you feel is in a sense part of your good destiny, then it takes the burden away from you, and makes you feel like you are floating on the current of something much greater than you.
Part of it has to do with the challenge of "making sense of life" to yourself and to others every week, by looking to ancient scriptures, seeking an experience of the Holy One in the present, and trying to put that into words. Sometimes what I am putting into words in the sermon is simply the experience of trying to make sense of life in this process, even if I am not too successful in "making sense of life" that week. The struggle to do it, to understand and experience the deepest in life, is a holy and good struggle, even when you seem to come up empty. So, part of it is that the process of working towards a sermon is a deeply human struggle for meaning in a world that often drains us of meaning. It is like going home each week, and the way back to home each week is never too easy or direct, and I never know which way I will get there, and sometimes I don't really get there. More Sundays I am standing before the congregation talking about the dark and twisting path of faith and the hope of getting back to a place where there is energy and peace and purpose. But, there are those Sundays, when I find my way - when it all comes together - just every once in a while. And, when you get there in a sermon, people get there with you. It's hard to describe it unless you have been there in a service. And, believe me, it is not very often at all when I seem to get there. And, I don't know it ahead of time; it is just like somehow, our struggle together is blessed by a gracious and beautiful presence - it is like for a few minutes, sometimes only a few seconds, we experience together that God is completely beautiful and gracious and good - sharing a goodness with us that awakens the joy in living that we thought had died 100 times over.
As I look towards tommorrow, I wish there was some way that others who are not preaching could share in this experience of preparing for the sermon that I have gone through for the past couple of decades. There have been times, when I was so empty that I just had nothing at all to say, and sometimes a word came and sometimes it didn't. There have been times when I have just thought it was crazy that I was going to stand up and try to say anything about God and life and faith. At the depths of my experience has been the experience that whatever has come to me in life, I have to make sense of it all again week by week, and that the sense I made of it in the past is never enough, and that the only real sense I can make of life comes from beyond me, comes from a word that I can never hear until everything in me is at an end, in silence, in confusion, or in peaceful nothingness. There is an experience of disorientation at the heart of true orientation in life - the disorientation comes of our human struggle, the orientation comes as sheer grace - true orientation comes in ecstatic joy at just being alive, sometimes it comes in the most difficult of times. It comes from God.
This process of sermon preparation is a very personal process and a process that I realize has helped my life over the years. But, over the past twenty years, I didn't really think much about what preparing a sermon was all about, I just did it. It wasn't until I started having Sundays off from preaching that I realized what it was about. And, I have to admit that I really miss preaching when I am not preaching. I don't miss it too much on Sunday morning as much as I miss it on Saturday morning. Like I am missing it this morning. But, what is it I like about knowing I will preach the next day?
Part of it seems to be that there is something about it that is just deep down who I am, and when you are involved in doing something that is deep down who you are, it renews your life. When you are involved in something you feel is in a sense part of your good destiny, then it takes the burden away from you, and makes you feel like you are floating on the current of something much greater than you.
Part of it has to do with the challenge of "making sense of life" to yourself and to others every week, by looking to ancient scriptures, seeking an experience of the Holy One in the present, and trying to put that into words. Sometimes what I am putting into words in the sermon is simply the experience of trying to make sense of life in this process, even if I am not too successful in "making sense of life" that week. The struggle to do it, to understand and experience the deepest in life, is a holy and good struggle, even when you seem to come up empty. So, part of it is that the process of working towards a sermon is a deeply human struggle for meaning in a world that often drains us of meaning. It is like going home each week, and the way back to home each week is never too easy or direct, and I never know which way I will get there, and sometimes I don't really get there. More Sundays I am standing before the congregation talking about the dark and twisting path of faith and the hope of getting back to a place where there is energy and peace and purpose. But, there are those Sundays, when I find my way - when it all comes together - just every once in a while. And, when you get there in a sermon, people get there with you. It's hard to describe it unless you have been there in a service. And, believe me, it is not very often at all when I seem to get there. And, I don't know it ahead of time; it is just like somehow, our struggle together is blessed by a gracious and beautiful presence - it is like for a few minutes, sometimes only a few seconds, we experience together that God is completely beautiful and gracious and good - sharing a goodness with us that awakens the joy in living that we thought had died 100 times over.
As I look towards tommorrow, I wish there was some way that others who are not preaching could share in this experience of preparing for the sermon that I have gone through for the past couple of decades. There have been times, when I was so empty that I just had nothing at all to say, and sometimes a word came and sometimes it didn't. There have been times when I have just thought it was crazy that I was going to stand up and try to say anything about God and life and faith. At the depths of my experience has been the experience that whatever has come to me in life, I have to make sense of it all again week by week, and that the sense I made of it in the past is never enough, and that the only real sense I can make of life comes from beyond me, comes from a word that I can never hear until everything in me is at an end, in silence, in confusion, or in peaceful nothingness. There is an experience of disorientation at the heart of true orientation in life - the disorientation comes of our human struggle, the orientation comes as sheer grace - true orientation comes in ecstatic joy at just being alive, sometimes it comes in the most difficult of times. It comes from God.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Worship, Responsibility for Others, and the Search for Meaning
Worship, responsibility for others, and the search for meaning: I guess those are why I am part of a church. There is something primal, deep down about worshipping in a service with others. Of course, often worship services get too far away from these raw depths, but there is something deep down that wants to worship the Creator and to do so with others. And, deep within, for me, there is this conviction that is very basic - that one basic reason I am alive is to help others out in their living. And, another yearning that won't be silenced within me is the desire to make sense of things, to find a meaning in life, and even in death.
These are some basic reasons I am part of a church. Of course, these are also basic yearnings that I carry out in my daily work and living that are not specifically tied to church. Many weeks I worship God more clearly, more intensely in my inner world, and when away from church, than when I am gathered for worship with others. Some days, I just look out at the mountains and am filled with a joy and a praise for God. Many days I discover and carry out my responsibilities to others better in my so-called "secular" job than in my work as a minister of a church. And, I sometimes find great meaning in reading an essay or a poem or listening to a song. Sometimes I turn to these "secular" sources more than to "sacred" sources like scripture or theology or other books written to encourage religious faith. Lately, I have been drawn back into the strange world of the Bible, particularly Paul's letters. And, I have gone a step back down to the primary level of the New Testament by looking at the Greek. Even though my Greek has slipped, reading in the Greek somehow just opens up new connections, new ways of meaning. It is like getting back to where the meanings are being formed and understanding that the step of "translation" from Greek to English is actually a decisive step of "interpretation." It is like getting back a step closer to something real and raw and true. When that happens you come to the point of not-knowing before you begin to experience any real knowing. I am amazed as I look at Paul again. How could he have been hijacked by Western categories - he is so thoroughly Eastern!
O, what was I talking about? About basic reasons I am part of a church, which are yearnings basic to being human as well. At the bottom, church is about reminding us of what is essential to human life, because we tend to forget in the give and take of life. Church is to be about reminding and restoring those deep yearnings that make us human: the yearning to celebrate the goodness of life and praise the giver of life; the desire to share life and bear life with others; the drive to understand and find meaning.
Many people have come to church needing reminding, needing restoring, and finding that these deeply human yearnings were not only not encouraged in church, but discouraged or even manipulated to bad end. But, people also come to church to escape from these deep human needs. And, some churches provide large doses of what Marx called "the opiate of the masses," by which Marx meant a way of deluding people into accepting the frustration of their deepest longings on earth through assuring people that they would have all their longings satisfied in heaven.
This reference to Marx raises some complicated issues about human longing and religion. Because, for many on this earth, life is an unending struggle to survive burdened with horrible suffering. Consider life in Somalia, or Darfur, or the genocide in Rawanda. What about the history of horror for Jews in Germany and in Russia? How is life for citizens of Afghanistan now or Palestinians? Or, what about a mother who just lost her child in Knoxville last week? Or, a father of four young children who has just found out he has an inoperable brain tumor? What I am getting at is the truth that many people in this world seem to have their deepest desires crushed by the course of their sufferings and the injustices they experience in their lives. Everyone, to some extent, suffers the disappointment of deeply good desires and hopes in life.
Marx central point was this: "You workers who are living in misery, dying young, are suffering because of the greed of your factory owners who care nothing at all for you. It's time to get up off your knees (in prayer) and revolt against this corrupt economic system. How dare they tell you to wait until you get to heaven while they enjoy their's on earth!"
And, that part of Marx is good and holy and deserving of not just respect but celebration and hopeful action - whether revolutionary or reformist.
But, even the most fortunate lives in this world always bear a heavy residue of pain, unresolved conflicts, unrealized dreams, and unreasonable results. Marx didn't set out to address this. What he wanted to counteract was the bad faith of a system that had disproportionately placed the heavy residue, conflict, suffering, pain and misery on one segment of the population who served as a barrier against such suffering for another segment of the population. True religion appreciates Marx. False religion is scared to death of him. He gets too close to the truth, and, as Jesus said: "the truth will set you free," free from false religion.
These are some basic reasons I am part of a church. Of course, these are also basic yearnings that I carry out in my daily work and living that are not specifically tied to church. Many weeks I worship God more clearly, more intensely in my inner world, and when away from church, than when I am gathered for worship with others. Some days, I just look out at the mountains and am filled with a joy and a praise for God. Many days I discover and carry out my responsibilities to others better in my so-called "secular" job than in my work as a minister of a church. And, I sometimes find great meaning in reading an essay or a poem or listening to a song. Sometimes I turn to these "secular" sources more than to "sacred" sources like scripture or theology or other books written to encourage religious faith. Lately, I have been drawn back into the strange world of the Bible, particularly Paul's letters. And, I have gone a step back down to the primary level of the New Testament by looking at the Greek. Even though my Greek has slipped, reading in the Greek somehow just opens up new connections, new ways of meaning. It is like getting back to where the meanings are being formed and understanding that the step of "translation" from Greek to English is actually a decisive step of "interpretation." It is like getting back a step closer to something real and raw and true. When that happens you come to the point of not-knowing before you begin to experience any real knowing. I am amazed as I look at Paul again. How could he have been hijacked by Western categories - he is so thoroughly Eastern!
O, what was I talking about? About basic reasons I am part of a church, which are yearnings basic to being human as well. At the bottom, church is about reminding us of what is essential to human life, because we tend to forget in the give and take of life. Church is to be about reminding and restoring those deep yearnings that make us human: the yearning to celebrate the goodness of life and praise the giver of life; the desire to share life and bear life with others; the drive to understand and find meaning.
Many people have come to church needing reminding, needing restoring, and finding that these deeply human yearnings were not only not encouraged in church, but discouraged or even manipulated to bad end. But, people also come to church to escape from these deep human needs. And, some churches provide large doses of what Marx called "the opiate of the masses," by which Marx meant a way of deluding people into accepting the frustration of their deepest longings on earth through assuring people that they would have all their longings satisfied in heaven.
This reference to Marx raises some complicated issues about human longing and religion. Because, for many on this earth, life is an unending struggle to survive burdened with horrible suffering. Consider life in Somalia, or Darfur, or the genocide in Rawanda. What about the history of horror for Jews in Germany and in Russia? How is life for citizens of Afghanistan now or Palestinians? Or, what about a mother who just lost her child in Knoxville last week? Or, a father of four young children who has just found out he has an inoperable brain tumor? What I am getting at is the truth that many people in this world seem to have their deepest desires crushed by the course of their sufferings and the injustices they experience in their lives. Everyone, to some extent, suffers the disappointment of deeply good desires and hopes in life.
Marx central point was this: "You workers who are living in misery, dying young, are suffering because of the greed of your factory owners who care nothing at all for you. It's time to get up off your knees (in prayer) and revolt against this corrupt economic system. How dare they tell you to wait until you get to heaven while they enjoy their's on earth!"
And, that part of Marx is good and holy and deserving of not just respect but celebration and hopeful action - whether revolutionary or reformist.
But, even the most fortunate lives in this world always bear a heavy residue of pain, unresolved conflicts, unrealized dreams, and unreasonable results. Marx didn't set out to address this. What he wanted to counteract was the bad faith of a system that had disproportionately placed the heavy residue, conflict, suffering, pain and misery on one segment of the population who served as a barrier against such suffering for another segment of the population. True religion appreciates Marx. False religion is scared to death of him. He gets too close to the truth, and, as Jesus said: "the truth will set you free," free from false religion.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Looking Through Some Old Papers Today
It's about 4 p.m., and I'm tired of looking at legal cases and tired of preparing for next week's cases, and for some reason I start looking through one of the drawers of my desk. And, this is a drawer that contains lots of old "church stuff," like handwritten sermon notes from the past 10 years or so (earlier notes have gotten lost in the moves). And, I come across this sermon that has somehow survived from the early days. In fact, I remember that I preached this before I was even ordained as a minister. My passage is Romans 6:1-11.
I remember that my great aunt Thelma was there, my parents were there. I can't even remember whether I preached it before or after Jimmy and Lisa were born, but I am fairly sure it was after they were born.
And, then I come across the bulletin from the Sunday in 1989 when I was ordained as a minister. August 6, 1989. And, the insert in the bulletin is scribbled on, and I'm pretty sure I recognize this scribbling as that of little Lisa who was a little over one at the time. My Mom remembers Jimmy reciting the Lord's Prayer word for word at the service, and remembers that he pronounced temp-ta-tion as "temp-a-ta-tion." I remember that my father-in-law was there even though he had been going through a hellacious round of chemotherapy, and I remember how happy he was to be there. I remember my seminary professor and advisor, Charlie Cousar, preaching a wonderful sermon about glorifying God as being the first thing in life.
Well, this afternoon took me back a few years. On next Thursday, I will have been an ordained minister for 20 years.
I also found this really funny set of drawings entitled "The Many Faces of Dad" which was done by my daughter, Lisa. There is a drawing of: "Dad confused," "Dad grumpy," and a couple of more. These drawings were made when I was in the middle of law school and also pastoring a church - the combo of which was fairly unpleasant. It made me think two things: I was worried a lot over finding a way to make a living when my kids were young, and my daughter was pretty perceptive when she was young.
You never know what you are going to find when you open up a drawer!
I remember that my great aunt Thelma was there, my parents were there. I can't even remember whether I preached it before or after Jimmy and Lisa were born, but I am fairly sure it was after they were born.
And, then I come across the bulletin from the Sunday in 1989 when I was ordained as a minister. August 6, 1989. And, the insert in the bulletin is scribbled on, and I'm pretty sure I recognize this scribbling as that of little Lisa who was a little over one at the time. My Mom remembers Jimmy reciting the Lord's Prayer word for word at the service, and remembers that he pronounced temp-ta-tion as "temp-a-ta-tion." I remember that my father-in-law was there even though he had been going through a hellacious round of chemotherapy, and I remember how happy he was to be there. I remember my seminary professor and advisor, Charlie Cousar, preaching a wonderful sermon about glorifying God as being the first thing in life.
Well, this afternoon took me back a few years. On next Thursday, I will have been an ordained minister for 20 years.
I also found this really funny set of drawings entitled "The Many Faces of Dad" which was done by my daughter, Lisa. There is a drawing of: "Dad confused," "Dad grumpy," and a couple of more. These drawings were made when I was in the middle of law school and also pastoring a church - the combo of which was fairly unpleasant. It made me think two things: I was worried a lot over finding a way to make a living when my kids were young, and my daughter was pretty perceptive when she was young.
You never know what you are going to find when you open up a drawer!
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