As our lives come to an end, so many of us have "so many things left undone." There is always another thing you want to get finished, a person you want to see make it through trouble, and young person you really want to see grow into adulthood. But, we don't have too much control over the ending of our lives, just like we don't have any control over the beginning.
So, we might as well accept that we will die with many things left undone. But, we have this day, and there are things we can do or not do today. Maybe the most important ones to do are not the things we think we "need to get done," but the things that deep down in our hearts we would really like to do.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
"On the Outside Looking In"
That 10th commandment, "You shall not covet . . . " gets to something very deep and very tragic and twisted in human beings. It really means "don't become envious of others."
Soren Kierkegaard says: "envy is admiration grown sick." It is twisted or perverted admiration.
Envy is when we feel ourselves "on the outside looking in." The Indigo Girls have a song called: "Love Will Come to You" that expresses the longing of human beings for love, and the experience of being "on the outside looking in."
The words are vivid: "my face pressed up against love's glass . . . to see that shiny toy I've been hoping for, the one I never can afford . . . "
It is that haunting feeling that comes around for us that what we really long for is just out of reach.
Now, I know that sometimes a deep longing is very good and ought to be nurtured even if it is not fulfilled. But, I can't help think that so many of our "deep longings" are created out of some real brokenness and twistedness inside of us. What I am talking about is the tendency of human beings to manufacture a series of dreams that are just out of reach to keep ourselves miserable and in a state of always feeling like we are on the outside looking in. Watching a movie and feeling how wonderful it must be to share a love with another like it is portrayed in the movie, while you've got somebody back in the living room who loves you and would enjoy talking with you and sharing a hug with you right now. Not enjoying the nice place to live that we have because it's not as big and expensive a place as the family next door. Not appreciating the healthy body we have because we don't quite meet the standards for Miss or Mr. Universe.
Maybe when we feel like we are on the outside looking in, we ought to take some time to look inside of ourselves. The true longing of human beings is not to live up to some standard in the world outside of us, but to conform ourselves to a mystery deep within us. Now, with regard to that mystery, we may be "on the outside looking in."
Soren Kierkegaard says: "envy is admiration grown sick." It is twisted or perverted admiration.
Envy is when we feel ourselves "on the outside looking in." The Indigo Girls have a song called: "Love Will Come to You" that expresses the longing of human beings for love, and the experience of being "on the outside looking in."
The words are vivid: "my face pressed up against love's glass . . . to see that shiny toy I've been hoping for, the one I never can afford . . . "
It is that haunting feeling that comes around for us that what we really long for is just out of reach.
Now, I know that sometimes a deep longing is very good and ought to be nurtured even if it is not fulfilled. But, I can't help think that so many of our "deep longings" are created out of some real brokenness and twistedness inside of us. What I am talking about is the tendency of human beings to manufacture a series of dreams that are just out of reach to keep ourselves miserable and in a state of always feeling like we are on the outside looking in. Watching a movie and feeling how wonderful it must be to share a love with another like it is portrayed in the movie, while you've got somebody back in the living room who loves you and would enjoy talking with you and sharing a hug with you right now. Not enjoying the nice place to live that we have because it's not as big and expensive a place as the family next door. Not appreciating the healthy body we have because we don't quite meet the standards for Miss or Mr. Universe.
Maybe when we feel like we are on the outside looking in, we ought to take some time to look inside of ourselves. The true longing of human beings is not to live up to some standard in the world outside of us, but to conform ourselves to a mystery deep within us. Now, with regard to that mystery, we may be "on the outside looking in."
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Sunday Afternoon and the Feeling of Fall
On Sunday afternoon, I feel like I have finished my work week. And, that is when I can settle down and think on a few things.
I am thinking in a solemn sort of way this afternoon, some might call it a depressed sort of way. But, it is not depression. No, depression cuts you off from reality. This feeling is more in tune with reality, a feeling that slows you down inside, makes you feel the weight of this life.
Maybe it's just Fall, in all of its slowing down, in all of its melancholy, in all of its beauty.
The big experiences and commitments in my life have all come in the Fall: in my junior year in college when my grandmother and grandfather were dying of cancer, I was talking out loud to myself driving home from Clemson to see my grandmother in the hospital, and I felt this overwhelming sense of God's presence and purpose, and I just felt this joy inside, this joy to respond and say: "Yes, that's what my life is to be about!" I'm still not sure exactly what I said "yes" to, except that at the time I was thinking about four or five people that were suffering deeply that I cared very much for. I do feel very confident that I said 'yes' to God, whom I experienced then and experience now as being deeply given to the troubles of this world. That is my calling. Lately, I go back and forth as to whether I am carrying out my calling more as a lawyer with the Public Defender's Office or a pastor at my church. As I said I am not sure exactly "what" I said 'yes' to, but I am very sure about "whom" I said 'yes' to.
And, out of that experience came my application to transfer from Clemson to either Davidson or Wake Forest. What a great decision!
Two years later at Wake Forest, in the Fall again, I got to know someone that I fell in love with.
These experiences, these commitments, made during Fall. I do love Fall, the depths of it, the deep experiences that I still haven't figured out how to honor.
I can't help but think of sitting in the parking lot of the Wake Forest library in the Fall of 1982 with Sue, talking with each other like nothing else mattered.
Experiences and commitments. The openness of heart to really experience life and the joy and certainty of commitment arising out of these experiences. That is the heart of life.
And, it was in the Fall of 1990, that I decided I was going to apply to law school, leave my full-time work as a pastor, and become a part-time pastor, and move back home to Knoxville. Of course, our family moved, I took a part-time pastor position in South Knoxville, and hoped I would get in to UT Law School. I didn't apply anywhere else. In March, three months after we had already moved to Knoxville, I heard that I had gotten into law school.
But, before we moved, during the Fall of 1990, I remember two things real well: I remember that my Dad and I and Jimmy went out in the boat on Tellico Lake and saw the biggest bird I have ever seen in my life: a huge Golden Eagle, whose wings reflected that beautiful Fall sun as it turned and flew away from us. And, I remember discussing my plans to attend law school while keeping on being a minister. And, I remember that my Dad felt very good about it. He was always like that when I was confident in my plans. He could tell that Waters' determination when he saw it! I think if I had said that I was real sure that I was going to attempt to climb Mount Everest next month, and that if I was real committed to it, then Dad would have supported me. Of course, I never had to worry about Mom's support. That was just always there. That's the way good mothers are, and good mothers aren't all that common. But, those of us that have them -we take that wonderful love and support for granted too often.
And, I remember going to visit my friend Jeff's mother, who was dying of cancer at the time. She was in bed and weak, but when she heard I was planning to go to law school and continue being a minister, she said: "perfect, you think like a lawyer -perfect!"
Most people thought I was either giving up on ministry or going crazy when I said I was going to law school, but for those three or four that it made sense to, well, that was important to me. Three or four or five, that's about all you need in life to understand you. And, one or two is really enough if the understanding is deep. I guess I have been very fortunate to have had someone at about every point where the great decisions of life are made to look back at me with hope and faith. It's hard on those who start to commit themselves to a course of life and don't have that support. Of course, I am a Waters; I probably would have taken the same course if everyone I had known had told me I was crazy! Even so, I deeply appreciate the understanding. I do not take it for granted, especially not at this stage of life.
I really love Fall. And, I remember all of these things as the air begins to cool and the leaves begin to fall.
I am thinking in a solemn sort of way this afternoon, some might call it a depressed sort of way. But, it is not depression. No, depression cuts you off from reality. This feeling is more in tune with reality, a feeling that slows you down inside, makes you feel the weight of this life.
Maybe it's just Fall, in all of its slowing down, in all of its melancholy, in all of its beauty.
The big experiences and commitments in my life have all come in the Fall: in my junior year in college when my grandmother and grandfather were dying of cancer, I was talking out loud to myself driving home from Clemson to see my grandmother in the hospital, and I felt this overwhelming sense of God's presence and purpose, and I just felt this joy inside, this joy to respond and say: "Yes, that's what my life is to be about!" I'm still not sure exactly what I said "yes" to, except that at the time I was thinking about four or five people that were suffering deeply that I cared very much for. I do feel very confident that I said 'yes' to God, whom I experienced then and experience now as being deeply given to the troubles of this world. That is my calling. Lately, I go back and forth as to whether I am carrying out my calling more as a lawyer with the Public Defender's Office or a pastor at my church. As I said I am not sure exactly "what" I said 'yes' to, but I am very sure about "whom" I said 'yes' to.
And, out of that experience came my application to transfer from Clemson to either Davidson or Wake Forest. What a great decision!
Two years later at Wake Forest, in the Fall again, I got to know someone that I fell in love with.
These experiences, these commitments, made during Fall. I do love Fall, the depths of it, the deep experiences that I still haven't figured out how to honor.
I can't help but think of sitting in the parking lot of the Wake Forest library in the Fall of 1982 with Sue, talking with each other like nothing else mattered.
Experiences and commitments. The openness of heart to really experience life and the joy and certainty of commitment arising out of these experiences. That is the heart of life.
And, it was in the Fall of 1990, that I decided I was going to apply to law school, leave my full-time work as a pastor, and become a part-time pastor, and move back home to Knoxville. Of course, our family moved, I took a part-time pastor position in South Knoxville, and hoped I would get in to UT Law School. I didn't apply anywhere else. In March, three months after we had already moved to Knoxville, I heard that I had gotten into law school.
But, before we moved, during the Fall of 1990, I remember two things real well: I remember that my Dad and I and Jimmy went out in the boat on Tellico Lake and saw the biggest bird I have ever seen in my life: a huge Golden Eagle, whose wings reflected that beautiful Fall sun as it turned and flew away from us. And, I remember discussing my plans to attend law school while keeping on being a minister. And, I remember that my Dad felt very good about it. He was always like that when I was confident in my plans. He could tell that Waters' determination when he saw it! I think if I had said that I was real sure that I was going to attempt to climb Mount Everest next month, and that if I was real committed to it, then Dad would have supported me. Of course, I never had to worry about Mom's support. That was just always there. That's the way good mothers are, and good mothers aren't all that common. But, those of us that have them -we take that wonderful love and support for granted too often.
And, I remember going to visit my friend Jeff's mother, who was dying of cancer at the time. She was in bed and weak, but when she heard I was planning to go to law school and continue being a minister, she said: "perfect, you think like a lawyer -perfect!"
Most people thought I was either giving up on ministry or going crazy when I said I was going to law school, but for those three or four that it made sense to, well, that was important to me. Three or four or five, that's about all you need in life to understand you. And, one or two is really enough if the understanding is deep. I guess I have been very fortunate to have had someone at about every point where the great decisions of life are made to look back at me with hope and faith. It's hard on those who start to commit themselves to a course of life and don't have that support. Of course, I am a Waters; I probably would have taken the same course if everyone I had known had told me I was crazy! Even so, I deeply appreciate the understanding. I do not take it for granted, especially not at this stage of life.
I really love Fall. And, I remember all of these things as the air begins to cool and the leaves begin to fall.
Exercising Authority and Luther's Saying: "Sin Boldly"
Martin Luther found himself in the middle of a religious and political revolution in 16th century Western Europe. He had only wanted to be a good Augustine monk when he entered the monastery. But, in this struggle, he was taken by surprise, almost like Paul was taken by surprise on the way to Damascus around the middle of the 1st century. What Luther was taken by surprise by was the living God, who to Luther's joy, was intent on saving, not condemning.
And, as Luther bore witness to what he had received, a mighty awakening occurred in Western Europe that shook the foundations of the Roman Catholic Church and the foundations of the social order. Luther was not prepared to be consulting with political leaders, but he had to. He learned in this difficult role that no matter what decision he made in public affairs, some bad would come of it. As he saw lay people revolting against the clergy/priests, he was horrified that priests were being killed. So, Luther took the side of the local authorities, who then went and cruelly killed hordes of innocent townspeople who were uninvolved in violence against priests. Luther felt at times like he would so much rather be dead than at the middle of this change. In this context, he took heart, and tried to proclaim what it really means to live by faith in such times: "Sin boldly," he said. What he meant was that we are to rely on God, seek God's glory, but not be afraid to act, knowing nonetheless that our actions will be tainted with sin. Nonetheless, we must act.
And, as Luther bore witness to what he had received, a mighty awakening occurred in Western Europe that shook the foundations of the Roman Catholic Church and the foundations of the social order. Luther was not prepared to be consulting with political leaders, but he had to. He learned in this difficult role that no matter what decision he made in public affairs, some bad would come of it. As he saw lay people revolting against the clergy/priests, he was horrified that priests were being killed. So, Luther took the side of the local authorities, who then went and cruelly killed hordes of innocent townspeople who were uninvolved in violence against priests. Luther felt at times like he would so much rather be dead than at the middle of this change. In this context, he took heart, and tried to proclaim what it really means to live by faith in such times: "Sin boldly," he said. What he meant was that we are to rely on God, seek God's glory, but not be afraid to act, knowing nonetheless that our actions will be tainted with sin. Nonetheless, we must act.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Ecclesiastes: Admitting that life doesn't make sense
This book in the Old Testament (Hebrew Scriptures) that is called "Ecclesiastes" is a book that acknowledges that when you step back from life and reflect on it - well, it just doesn't make sense. The good don't necessarily get blessed, and the evil don't necessarily get cursed.
The only sense that Ecclesiastes finds in life is in the day to day living of it: "to eat, drink and find enjoyment in your toil."
To do a good day's work, to do a good job, to be able to say at the end of a project: "that was a job well done." To have given yourself to the task at hand and complete it. That is a good day. How it affects the rest of the world, you can't necessarily control. Nor can you control whether the man or woman who builds on what you have done does a good job and messes everything up.
The only sense that Ecclesiastes finds in life is in the day to day living of it: "to eat, drink and find enjoyment in your toil."
To do a good day's work, to do a good job, to be able to say at the end of a project: "that was a job well done." To have given yourself to the task at hand and complete it. That is a good day. How it affects the rest of the world, you can't necessarily control. Nor can you control whether the man or woman who builds on what you have done does a good job and messes everything up.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Faith Against Religion
When I was in college I read Karl Barth's Commentary on Romans and, though that commentary was written in 1919, it read like the most contemporary comment I had ever read. Barth was interpreting Paul's Letter to the Romans and Christian faith through the lens of his present experience of God, which included Barth's dissatisfaction with the liberal Protestant theology of Germany, but which also included Barth's identification with Soren Kierkegaard's criticism of the Christianity of his day and some identification with the growing power of existentialism in 20th Century Europe.
Barth read Romans as God's resounding NO to all human religion, and, for Barth, that meant an attack on Christendom, particularly his own Protestant Christianity in Western Europe. Barth saw Christianity, both conservative and liberal, as co-opted by views of the world which had human beings and not God in the center. Maybe it is surprising to many of our present day liberals in the church that the liberal theologians in Germany saluted Hitler just as quickly, and, perhaps even more quickly than the conservatives. But, when the 1930's rolled around and the Nazis rose to power in Germany, Barth issued a holy "f. u." to Hitler and all his theology professors. Barth stood with the Jews, speaking in Berlin on public radio in an address: "Jesus, the Jew." Barth's criticism of human religion was so devastating and so Biblical that it caused an earthquake in Christian theology, an earthquake which hasn't been resolved. Barth found God's Word in the reckage of human thought, in the dissolution of human systems of philosophy and theology. And, he stood up with his Bible and preached in a way that nobody much had preached in a long while. And, Hitler hated his guts.
Thank God for Karl Barth. But, his influence was never too deep in the United States. His attack on the optimistic philosophies and theologies never really caught on in America. Theology students studied Barth in the 50's, 60's, 70's, and even 80's, but they didn't "get him." But, for those of us who really took Barth to heart, it has been hard to be Christians in the U.S.A., and it has been hard to keep up the fellowship with churches that seem to think that God takes marching orders from the church, and that the Bible is some book that is under the control of preachers and religious functionaries.
Barth's faith was about a radical reverence for God, and a radical criticism of all human authority. Barth thought that was what Jesus was about. And, as Liberation Theologians who understood Barth realized, faith inevitably gave rise to the criticism of human authority.
I preached today on "God's great NO to all humanity in Jesus Christ." This was Barth's great prophetic message that he proclaimed 90 years ago. But, as Barth would say, Paul proclaimed it almost 2000 years ago. I don't think most who were listening had ever heard the "cross" talked about as the criticism of all human authority and all human religion and all human ideology. But, Paul really puts this at the forefront of his interpretation of the death of Jesus. See 1 Corinthians 1!
Now, I said that the great NO is one with the great YES to all humanity in Christ. But, you can never hear the YES without hearing the NO, and you can't hear the NO without the radical hope of the YES in Christ from God. See Romans 5:15 to the end of the chapter.
Well, it's time to close. I close with one thought. How do I expect to have anyone who will listen to a preacher who criticizes the religion he is supposed to be propagating? All I can say is what Paul said long ago: "I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified."
Barth read Romans as God's resounding NO to all human religion, and, for Barth, that meant an attack on Christendom, particularly his own Protestant Christianity in Western Europe. Barth saw Christianity, both conservative and liberal, as co-opted by views of the world which had human beings and not God in the center. Maybe it is surprising to many of our present day liberals in the church that the liberal theologians in Germany saluted Hitler just as quickly, and, perhaps even more quickly than the conservatives. But, when the 1930's rolled around and the Nazis rose to power in Germany, Barth issued a holy "f. u." to Hitler and all his theology professors. Barth stood with the Jews, speaking in Berlin on public radio in an address: "Jesus, the Jew." Barth's criticism of human religion was so devastating and so Biblical that it caused an earthquake in Christian theology, an earthquake which hasn't been resolved. Barth found God's Word in the reckage of human thought, in the dissolution of human systems of philosophy and theology. And, he stood up with his Bible and preached in a way that nobody much had preached in a long while. And, Hitler hated his guts.
Thank God for Karl Barth. But, his influence was never too deep in the United States. His attack on the optimistic philosophies and theologies never really caught on in America. Theology students studied Barth in the 50's, 60's, 70's, and even 80's, but they didn't "get him." But, for those of us who really took Barth to heart, it has been hard to be Christians in the U.S.A., and it has been hard to keep up the fellowship with churches that seem to think that God takes marching orders from the church, and that the Bible is some book that is under the control of preachers and religious functionaries.
Barth's faith was about a radical reverence for God, and a radical criticism of all human authority. Barth thought that was what Jesus was about. And, as Liberation Theologians who understood Barth realized, faith inevitably gave rise to the criticism of human authority.
I preached today on "God's great NO to all humanity in Jesus Christ." This was Barth's great prophetic message that he proclaimed 90 years ago. But, as Barth would say, Paul proclaimed it almost 2000 years ago. I don't think most who were listening had ever heard the "cross" talked about as the criticism of all human authority and all human religion and all human ideology. But, Paul really puts this at the forefront of his interpretation of the death of Jesus. See 1 Corinthians 1!
Now, I said that the great NO is one with the great YES to all humanity in Christ. But, you can never hear the YES without hearing the NO, and you can't hear the NO without the radical hope of the YES in Christ from God. See Romans 5:15 to the end of the chapter.
Well, it's time to close. I close with one thought. How do I expect to have anyone who will listen to a preacher who criticizes the religion he is supposed to be propagating? All I can say is what Paul said long ago: "I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and him crucified."
Saturday, September 19, 2009
From the Liturgy of Malabar, 5th Century
At the close of our communion service yesterday, we read the words that have been used in the church after communion since the 5th Century:
"Grant, O Lord Jesus, that the ears which have heard the voice of your songs may be closed to the voice of dispute; that the eyes which have seen your great love may also behold your blessed hope; that the tongues which have sung your praise may speak the truth in love; that the feet which have walked in your courts may walk in the region of light; and that the bodies which have received your living body may be restored in newness of life. Glory to you for your inexpressible gift."
Amen.
"Grant, O Lord Jesus, that the ears which have heard the voice of your songs may be closed to the voice of dispute; that the eyes which have seen your great love may also behold your blessed hope; that the tongues which have sung your praise may speak the truth in love; that the feet which have walked in your courts may walk in the region of light; and that the bodies which have received your living body may be restored in newness of life. Glory to you for your inexpressible gift."
Amen.
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