If you would help someone deal with her bad characteristics/practices, you do best to encourage that person in her good characteristics/practices. That way, the person who is strengthened in her goodness gains leverage over against the evil in her, whereas if you directly criticize the bad, all you do is call attention to it without helping her marshall the good resources within her. By calling atttention to it, you may strengthen its power as well, causing a person to think that is what defines her.
It is only in a very trusting relationship that direct criticism can have a good effect, and even in those relationships, it is best to try strengthening the good as the first strategy in helping.
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Thanks for the reminder... sounds obvious, and I guess it is obvious, but it takes so much compassion and patience, which can be exhausting! It seems so much easier to just tell people how (we think) they should change or just give up on changing a person or behavior completely (that goes for dealing with our own selves as well, I think)
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