Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Waiting, peace and feeling my way to something holy

Waiting is a strange thing. We wait to see how things go for those we love,whether we wait in hospital waiting rooms or in our homes or courtrooms. But, one thing we all have to do is wait.

But, we have to carry on in life while we are waiting to hear on this or that, and often on deeply important matters.

Some of us feel the burden of this waiting more than others. It seems that some people have a natural disposition that keeps them from worrying about things they can't control. That seems a very healthy and sane way to live.

I am not one of those people.

If I come to a point of waiting in a healthy and calm way, it is because of some spiritual influence that has transformed me inside. Simply put, I need some real serious help to wait well.

And, I experience this help, though I do have to struggle for it at times. And, I am glad for all those people who seem to come by it naturally. I don't begrudge them that peace of mind that seems part of their constitution. Of course, it is not my struggling that brings the peace, but when I cease struggling that it comes.

I have known these times of profound peace that have pierced my worried soul and left me calm in a presence so holy and so good that I can't describe it much beyond that.

Lately, I have been moved very deeply when alone by this overwhelming presence of God, who seems to me to be so absolutely beautiful and kind and wonderful that I am just stopped in wonder. It also hit me yesterday that God is the most simple of all beings and the most complex of all beings. God can commune with an amoeba; God can commune with the simplest person and be thoroughly and completely God. God can commune with the most complex of beings and be thoroughly God.

The one thing I am convinced that God is not: God is not cynical. Cynical beings cannot commune with the simple. They are too far above that. God is not.

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