Fairness

Fairness

I think a lot about what is fair in my dealings with other people, whether it be family, clients, parishioners, co-workers at church or public defender, opposing counsel, judges, law enforcement, and others I deal with less regularly - like someone who is doing work on our church building or on my house. Trying to reach a fair way of doing things is a deep concern for me. Maybe it is somewhat of an obsession, and it is certainly a challenge, because I find that the normal and accepted course of life in this world leads me into ways of unfairness with others.

My Dad and I used to talk a lot about what was fair in this or that situation we were dealing with, and I know my Mother worries about things like this as well as we have had many discussions about fairness over the years as well. My concern over fairness comes from the deep influence of my upbringing. In my family fairness was emphasized as a matter of duty to God. And, when Sue (my wife) and I discuss things over and over, we are almost always trying to reach some result that we feel is fair. Sue has reminded me over the years as I respond to people’s requests for help that fairness to family is something that should not be lost sight of in the process of responding to the needs of others outside the family. My Dad was big on always keeping family first in his heart and mind, but Mom and Dad found a way to help many outside the family as well.

Often when you are a person who is concerned with being fair to others, you have to watch out because it can end up not being very fair to you and your own family. Because a large majority of people think it their duty to be fair to themselves first or to a couple of their favorites and then let everyone else get the leftovers. If you always consider fairness in your dealings, it can result in limiting resources to yourself and your own family. I have learned this over and over in my life. It is just the way life is. You can learn some things and minimize the damage, but fairness doesn’t maximize your financial profits, nor does it usually help you climb the ladder of success. It does tend to produce a stable life, and a few good, reliable friends. And, peace of mind.

It is a challenge to gain a perspective that fairly considers others interests. Certainly we all see through cloudy lenses on this issue. But, I don't know anything else worth striving for quite so much as fairness in all of one's dealings. And, there is no area in which the test is quite so severe as in dealing with money.

Besides the emphasis on fairness in my family, I was also raised with a Calvinistic sense of the tragic nature of sin in human life, which is to say, I was raised knowing that no matter how much you try to be fair, you are certainly going to be unfair at times, but that doesn't mean you don't strive as hard as possible to be fair and that doesn't make it any less painful when you realize you have been unfair with someone.